Tip of a Cigarette

Ah Pek was admitted to the hospital after he complained of breathlessness associated with cough and fever for about 2 weeks. He has been smoking since he was in Primary Six when some friends introduced him to this brand called “555”. He has since upgraded to Malboro. (Perhaps in his heart, Ah Pek had always wanted to be a cowboy after watching some black & white film at a nearby community centre. Perhaps.)

Ah Pek went for a chest X-Ray during this admission. Apart from consolidation in his lungs, they also noticed this little nodule near the left apex. He was advised about the possibility of lung cancer. Ah Pek remembered that his father, who was also a smoker, died of lung cancer. He also remembered when he was in Secondary 2, his father coughed out blood after a huge argument with him about quitting school.

Ah Pek's children have been trying for years to get him to stop smoking. They even got his grandchildren to "hint" to grandpa that he should stop. But Ah Pek never listened to them.

That day, Ah Pek returned to the ward after his CT scan of the thorax and abdomen. He carefully took out 2 sticks of malboro hidden between his stack of underwear and fished out a lighter from his drawer. He told the nurse that he was going downstairs for coffee. He did not wait for their reply and left the ward anyway.

Ah Pek went to the ground floor, squatted near the staircase landing and lighted his cigarette. He did this yesterday, the day before and on the day after his admission. He was still having a fever then.

Ah Pek was oblivious that people were walking past him, looking at him. Here was a man in hospital attire smoking. Here was a man, coughing in between the puffs.

As Ah Pek turned to flick the cigarette ash away, he heard a very very loud thump, and he felt raindrops on his face, his arms.

They were not raindrops. They were reddish, pinkish. And some of it was not liquid. Something mushy. In front of Ah Pek was the body of a fat patient, a fat patient who used to be alive a couple of seconds ago. The body was lying face down, limbs distorted, bent at places where the limbs were not supposed to bend.

Ah Pek was still sitting there when the crowds started to come. The cigarette was still lighted with ash gathered on the tip. Tiny red droplets could be seen on the pale, whitish portion of the stick.

Ah Pek never smoked again.

And it was not lung cancer.