Hospital Hierarchy

Houseman Survivor Guide
I. Introduction
II. Hospital Hierarchy
III. A Typical Day
IV. Painkillers
V. Meet The F*ckers

I have been asked to explain the hierarchy in the hospital. I guess that is pretty reasonable though I am quite disappointed....... haven't you all been taking careful notes of my posts!!!??? And by now shouldn't you already know the answers??!!!

I guess not and here goes (from the lowest rank to the highest):

1) The houseman a.k.a house officer, a.k.a HO also known as intern in America
Experience points needed: 0, just need to pass MBBS (Monkey REpublic)

The lowest life form in the hospital. Looked down by everyone and despised even by the amahs. Despite the fact that they do the bulk of the dirty work, do not even think of appreciation. A HO's duties include getting to work before his bosses and preparing for the ward round before the team comes. He is in charge of all the ward duties and orders given by the team (we call them changes). He has to take blood, do discharge summaries, speak to full of nonsense relatives that no other team members wish to entertain, take some more blood and occasionally suck his bosses' asses. Do not despair coz each sucky low down brainless job gives you 1 experience point and in no time (actually in one year) you will gain enough EP to raise level.
A successful HO is best described as a prositute, providing the best service to everyone including the MOs, Registrars, Consultants........

2) The medical officer a.k.a MO
Experience points needed: 10,000

After swimming around the wards as an amoebic creature, a HO after one year develops into a more decent life-form (like tamagochi like tat lah) : the MO. A 1st year MO is known as a baby MO. The MO's job is quite different from his amoebic past. For one, he can acutally argue back with the nurses. If things really get out of hand, he can also complain to the nursing officer ("MO also o-hui-cer, NO also o-hui-cer, who scared who). But bare in mind that the nurses always win (unless you no scared make girls cry).

A baby MO with new found power (and dignity) often acts irrationally and rashly. He will not hesitate to show off his knowledge or correct the senior doctors especially if he not been properly baptised into medical practice during the HO year (not tekan-ed enuff).

He will learn that you don't do stupid things like quarrel with nurses and argue with your bosses when he gets a "C" grading for his posting and consequently gets only paltry pay increment and bonuses.

When the MO manages to pass an interview and is successfully accepted into speciality traineeship, he becomes a trainee or MOT. It is something like a promotion in that you are now accorded slightly higher status and more responsibilities are expected of you..... No! You don't get a pay raise, instead you have to PAY for the traineeship!!!! Yes you pay to do more..... its like SM, come on give it to the MOT!

There is another MO entity..... Lurking in some corner of the hospital is the chronic MO. These are doctors who fell off the system but somehow never made it to GP pratice. They are chronic as they do not specialise and they will forever remain MOs. You can easily recognise them from their BCC (臉臭臭) facies and their preoccupation with some other side lines. Chronic MOs are the nautral nemesis of nurses as these are people who can be of equal seniority to the ancient matrons and like them still have not moved on.

Specialist and the Senior ranks
HOs and MOs are not specialist. A MO can transiently become a MO-specialist (MOS) if he passes all the exams but there is not specialist slot for him.

Registrar a.k.a Reg a.k.a 'R'
Experience points: 100,000

Usually when a MO gains enough EP from performing countless procedures, therapies and politics over coffee, he is ready to attain Advanced Specialty Training and raise level to a Reg. The Reg now can independantly make decisions and lead the team. He is a specialist but still need approval and guidance from the Consultant for difficult cases. Otherwise he can afford to come later than the MO for the ward round.

Associate Consultant a.k.a AC
Experience points: 200,000

Having served his time as a Reg, he gains level quickly to become an AC after completing his exit exam. This is the same as the previous Senior Registrar rank. They just change the name to make some hanta kaki senior reg happy. This is usually a transient rank as the AC will soon depart for foreign land to learn this ancient art from a different race.

Consultant
Experience points: 500,000

A consultant is a full fledged specialist. He is now the boss of his own team. Everyone in the team kow tow to him. Other than clinical responsibilities, he has to wrestle with administrative irritations. He has to approve the bloody leave of that stupid MO who decided to get married when the rest are busy preparing for exams.

Senior Consultant
Experience points: 1,000,000

Having grown roots in the department, the senior consultant is a god-like figure. He appears to save the day when less experienced doctors botch the job. He makes the final enlightening comment during the grand ward rounds and he will soon be forced by admin to either semi-retire or go private as he is too expensive to keep around despite the gem that he is.


The Private Doctor
Experience points: 0 or 1,000,000,000,000

Sometimes, doctors fed up with public hospital and will go private! Most times this is an upgrade and the experience points goes up! But at times, some lokun experience points become zero after going private.