Green Creatures

As a young kid, I was often fascinated with mythical creatures such as the Yeti and Loch Nest Monster. It was even more fascinating when I visited Scotland that I did not see any monsters (unless you include those ang moh char bor who are double my size with more facial hair than my pelvic region)  but instead found out that a whole tourist industry can be generated from these creatures of unknown origin.

But actually hor, there is also such a mythical monster that has been frequently sighted in our hospitals. In Singapore, we are unable conjure names like The Abdominal Abominable Snowman as its too hard to spell and cannot pronounce in Singlish. So we call this creature, AnAssF (pronounced N-S-F).

The AnAssF is green in colour (mostly)  and was first sighted in the eighties. The sightings have become more frequent as our little island become more urbanized and congested (it will however be wrong to assume causality as con founders such as over pampering mothers need to be ruled out).

Possible areas for sightings include the A and E particularly in the middle of the night. He will appear out of nowhere with the chief complaint of "Can have MC for today boh?" If he manages to get a MC for today, he will routinely try his luck and ask for MC for the entire week. When asked what physical ailment he actually suffers from, he may have anything from anal itch / headache / eye pain / earache / sore throat / chest pain / armpit pain /  leg pain / faint when exposed to sun. Over the years he has learnt not to complain of abdominal pain and/or diarrhoea as that will automatically earn him a PR which is generally unpleasant unless you meet one that enjoys prostatic massages.

Physical examination will invariably yield NAD ("No Abnormalities Detected" /  or sometimes "Not Actually Done") but the kind doctors will always give him the benefit of the doubt. However, the real diagnosis will be revealed when you see the re-entry chop to Zouk on his wrist and it is Thursday wee hours.

Sometimes, the AnAssF may get admitted by some sotong amateur A and E locum, especially if the doting mother (another legendary mythical creature) is accompanying. In the ward, the AnAssF continues to have strange and unexplainable symptoms but no actual signs (except for the washout Zouk re-entry chop) can be detected.

It will not take long for junior doctors to know that the cure all for these green creatures is Atten-C (MC lah).

PS: That said, many NSFs have genuine symptoms. Some are also genuinely very stressed up since their maids are not there to help them do everything. Boy boy needs time to adjust lah!