Dr Og's Off-White Paper on Preparing Singapore Healthcare for 6.9 Million People

Dr Og is apolitical and will not comment on the quality of toilet paper in public hospitals let alone the recent White Paper on Population. Honestly Dr Og is a small lokun with little helicopter perspective and the last time I comment on TCM also tio scolded... haiz

Anyway, whether in 2030 we got lak bak gao chup ban lang (6.9 mil) or not, Dr Og thinks we better start preparing our healthcare system and hospitals. Don't goondu goondu buy super tight skinny jeans and discover after Chinese New Year all the goodies cannot wear liao, right!!??!!

So Dr Og presents his:

Off-White Paper on Preparing Singapore Healthcare for 6.9 Million People (And A Core of 3 Million Singaporeans).

1. Health Promotion

HPB monkey! Source: HPB loh

Health Promotion Board has always been very solid in providing educational materials to promote good health and well being. From animals to vegetables, their adverts (almost) always strike a cord with fellow Singaporeans. In fact I think they are well prepared because the mascots they use are very international, like generic elephant, giraffe and monkey instead of recognizable local species like orang utan or dugong. So our ever increasing international crowd will have no problems identifying with these beasts.

However, in my Off-White Paper, I will like to propose having overseas health promotion! After all by 2030, most of our residents will be foreigners. It will be too late for any brainwashing form of health promotion by the time they are parachuted in at their middle age. And don't you want to see those HPB monkeys speaking in Tagalog?

2. Training of Doctors
If you are not in the medical line, you may not know that postgraduate / specialist training for doctors has undergone a major change in the past few years. We have cleverly adopted the American system of residency training (think Dr Doug Ross (George Clooney) in ER or Dr Meredith Grey (Ellen Pompeo) in Grey's Anatomy). That's cool right? Particularly when we are becoming a really international nation.

What is even more cool is that while the old training trains doctor to be fast and accurate when seeing patients, the new residency programme allows the trainee doctors to slowly take their time. But with 6.9 million where got time, tio boh?

Therefore in the new residency, not only need to learn how to see patients fast fast, also need to learn to hold urine and skip lunch. The exams will not be about clinical work but how long your bladder can tahan before you need to use rubber band (for guys, for girls, can someone from the female sex advise?). Indeed, with 6.9 million people, there will just be people(not urine or faeces) overflowing toilets lor!

3. Improvements in Hospitals
3a. Increasing Hospital Beds

Hospital Beds in 2030!

Given that there is simply a lack of hospital beds now with just 5.3 million people, there needs to be innovative ways of increasing hospital beds! We are already parking beds on corridors. So Dr Og suggest triple decker beds! Never mind if its so crowded until like those 雾锁南洋 (The Awakening) refugee boats! By then we all will be so use to being pack like sardine and be totally desensitized!

Since there are so many water features and ponds in hospitals, we can also have floating beds on them. So patients can now truly enjoy the soothing sound of water running. These luxurious water beds will of course only be opened up to rich private patients.

3b. Translators

Being truly international, we need to hire translators. No, we do not need translators for the various South Asian or exotic European languages. First we need English to English translators. Strangely in the hospital, everyone speaks English but nobody seem to understand each others' English because of the accent. For eg. we will need a translator for someone to translate Indian English to Singlish or from American English to Filipino English. The combinations are scarily more than Street Fighter 4 combos and we need to hire translators now!!!

Secondly, we will also of course need translators for our local spoken languages and dialects as we will soon be the minority. Even now, our ah pek ah emmm are having a hard time communicating with the medical staff in the wards and clinics!

4. Engage TCM and  other traditional healers
My last suggestions. Get TCM and traditional healers to help out! Sure, they don't practice evidence based medicine but so what? There are 6.9 million people can?!! And all deserve some form of medical help right?

Mostly, I'm adding this in to appease the dude who posted an angry comment on my TCM expose. :)