You know, last time when matah wore shorts......

You see, as people get older, they like to talk a lot about the past. One of the things that junior trainees get most frightened of is kennah stuck with the lao kok kok professor or senior consultant. 

If you are lucky, you may be listening to his life story for the first time in a nice restaurant over lunch. He will tell you how he struggled through a poor family and had to study with a candle. Nevertheless, he managed to get into medicine and eventually became the godfather of the fraternity. He will tell you how he had wanted to be in another speciality but fate has it that he was rejected and therefore he is in the present one (which explains why he hates a certain speciality so much). At times (if you are really lucky) he will share how he eventually fell out with his long time teacher and mentor or how he used to be best buddies with another prof but he cheated/ framed/ made used of him. Sometimes (if you are really really lucky), he will tell you how he had wished for his son to follow his footsteps but he did just the opposite. All these are really interesting and gives you a perspective into why so and so cannot be seated in the same table during the faculty dinner. This also may just keep you out of trouble by preventing you from offending one prof because you openly praised the other.

If you are unlucky, you may just have been caught by the prof at the corridor and you are standing there listening to the same story for the nth time. You know exactly what the prof is going to tell you next as you have already (by passive diffusion) memorise his whole life story. You are post call, tired but you seem to be nodding as if you are interested. Actually, your tired neck muscles can no longer hold your head in place and you are just falling asleep. At times (if you are really unlucky), you may really need to go pass urine but the prof just does not recognise the urgency (pun intended) in your contorted facial expression. Sometimes (if you are really really unlucky), his unfilial son has stood him up for dinner again and he invites you to continue the conversation at the same damn restaurant (so that he can continue the torture). All these putting up with the prof is necessary as he still yields power in the fraternity. This may also be the only reason you are still surviving as you have managed somehow to offend the other prof and guru in the speciality. But this one likes you as you are the only probably the only one who listens to his story.

If you are a girl, you may be with the (humsup) prof in the Alumni Building... but that is another story for another day... not sure lucky or unlucky... haha...

Mai Jiak Yok!

Lokun: Uncle you drink alcohol?

Ah Pek: Ya, I lim jiu with my kah kee at the kopi tiam every night. Song song drink until midnight den go home. You know la, dun wan hear the wife nag nag nag.

Lokun: Smoking?

Ah Pek: Wah I smoke more than 30 years. You dun ask me quit ok. They say too old quit smoking can die one! Now hun kee very ex, I only smoke one pack a day niah.

After completing the rest of the clerking...

Lokun: Uncle, looks like your condition like that need to take medicine. This one you take one tablet twice a day.

Ah Pek: Wah... like that ar... Mai jiak yok er sai boh (Don't take medicine can or not?). You know western medicine got a lot of side effects. You see the bottle here write POISON! Jiak liao sure tiok tiao! Will dependant cannot come off.

Lokun: No la. This medicine ok one. Anyway your condition needs it.

Ah Pek: Mai la mai la. Medicine no good one. Got anything natural or not??

It often fascinates Dr Og how patients are so paranoid towards "Western medicines". It is of course true that medications have side effects (sometimes severe) and drug companies have in the past attempted to play down on the side effects. But it really irks me when people who smoke and drink tell me they are afraid of taking medications (for fear of dependency and ill effects). Seriously? With all that addictive poison that you are already putting into yourself?

Now, if they stop smoking and drinking, they may actually not need the medications. 

An Interview with the...

Dr Og continues with his investigative journalism this week.

He tried to interview several big shot administrators on but they all siam like Dr Og tiok coronavirus. But  don't worry la, Dr Og never go Middle East recently. Admin people don't so scared leh.

Finally, one person agree to talk to Dr Og.

Let me introduce Ah Tiong, The Security Uncle.

Dr Og: Uncle, how long  have you worked in this hospital?

Uncle: Ten years liao lah. (blow smoke out of mouth)

Dr Og: Wow! Thats a long time!

Uncle: Si lor, lao liao. 

Dr Og: So what are your main duties?

Uncle: I security guard lah, just go jalan here jalan there lor.

Dr Og: You mean you patrol the area. What else do you do?

Uncle: Ar. This one important. We catch doctors.

Dr Og: You mean you catch doctors?!!! What do they do? You mean those doctors piak piak in their office with reps kind? (wink wink)

Uncle: You know la, lokuns like to park car any old how. See those lots in front? Only patient can park la. So if the lokun park, I catch them! And sometime also issue summons. Hahahahaha.

Dr Og: But uncle, but don't you think its a waste of your time to be "catching"doctors? What if they are rushing to see patients and cannot find carpark.

Uncle: That's not lim pek problem ok. CEO say I stand here catch doctor, I catch doctor. (Uncle buay song liao!)

Dr Og: But uncle this hospital just build leh, you don't think very stupid they never project properly and never build enough carpark meh? Also, if the doctor not there yet, patients also can't be seen. Can sometimes pang chance boh?

Uncle: You si ginah. What projection? Don't tell me all the cheem stuff. You not happy go see the CEO or COO or CFO or dunno what O. I going to get my ten year service award and best (catch doctor) service award at Dinner and Dance next week liao. I need the NTUC vouchers from the awards to buy hoon kee (cigarettes) can!??!?! Oh yah, I dressing up as policeman in D and D. You leh?

IT sibei Ho!

Recently my friend who was in charge of the IT implementation of his department told me that the new electronic medical record system is sibei solid.

Well, Dr Og suay suay kennah do IT systems in hospital many years. All I can say is that my youth was wasted (sob sob...) and the time spent evaluating IT systems for the hospital could have been better spent surfing the net for boh liao things (at least that would have brought me some joy tio boh?).

Anyway, since we good friends, I entertain him and ask him why so solid leh?

"You know ar, this time the system hospital want to buy is very customisable. Last time all the systems have to input this input that but this one no need! Means ar the old old lokuns who only want to write a few words in the electronic notes can be easily done. So the lao lokun can just type 'NAD' for notes can liao wor!"

Apparently, this current system costs a few million bucks unlike the cheap cheap ones we evaluated in the past. Understandably, it is more time consuming to be typing notes rather than writing them on paper when seeing patients.

Hmmmm, but to pay few millions so that we can over ride the system to type less...

Hmmmm, nothing that can't be done with simple paper and pen...

IT sibei ho ar!

I rest my case.