The Miracle of Birth

Many readers had expressed concern over my past posts with references to the anus! While I do not discriminate against homosexuals, I definitely have a virgin ass. However I do heed their advice to blog on holes of some other kind.

After graduation, from being the most senior medical students, we were again scams of the earth, the lowest life form in the food chain, Housemen (the americans calls them intern). In State General, we were allowed to choose from either paediatrics or obsterics and gynaecology (O&G) for one of our rotations. Since paeds was such child play, I chose to get acquainted with female problems (and parts) and pregnancy.

If you are expecting gory details on me performing vaginal examinations, please switch channels. Yes! Today, my post is on the miracle of birth!! The beauty of the dawn of life!!

But really, if it was really that great, I would have at least tried becoming an O&G trainee (or a father earlier). The worst part about it all was the smell.... or rather the stench. "Dr! Dr! The waterbag break liao!!!" Wah lau, i really don't know how to describe the smell. Try mixing baby powder in urine and you're near.

Besides having to tahan the stench of amniotic fluid (your nose gets desensitized after a while), you also have to learn to dodge it!!! I kid you not!!!! Often when we do a vaginal examination on the woman in labour, the amniotic sac tears and the amniotic fluid gushes out. The same thing happens when we artificially rupture the amniotic membrane to induce labour. Wearing an apron helps but you do get splashes on your shirt and expensive Ferrakahmoh ties, not sparing your favourite Bally shoes as well.

I can personally attest to having experience an exploding amniotic sac. Instinctively, I shouted "Arti! Arti!" And those of us with previous millitary training managed to take cover and avoided getting drenched in fetal urine(yes, thats what makes up amniotic fluid). The wall about 2 metres away was not so lucky and the cleaners had a hell of a time clearing the mess.

We also had to help shout to encourage mothers-to-be push.

Newbie HO: "Aunty, maybe you should push harder? Yes, you are doing well...... Harder abit hor....."

More Experienced HO: "Push! Harder! Harder! I see the head!!! Come on you're almost there!!! Harder! Yes! Yes!"

Lao Jiao HO: "Push...... (Yawns) Push...... Push......"

After hours of pushing, I would have lost my voice. Everyone is relieved when the loud cries of the newborn fills the room. Daddy is filled with joy, tears flowing down his cheek, while carrying junior. Mummy is too tired to bloody hell care (and I swear I heard her curse the defective condom). Ahhhh.... the miracle of birth!