Dr Og's Off-White Paper on Preparing Singapore Healthcare for 6.9 Million People

Dr Og is apolitical and will not comment on the quality of toilet paper in public hospitals let alone the recent White Paper on Population. Honestly Dr Og is a small lokun with little helicopter perspective and the last time I comment on TCM also tio scolded... haiz

Anyway, whether in 2030 we got lak bak gao chup ban lang (6.9 mil) or not, Dr Og thinks we better start preparing our healthcare system and hospitals. Don't goondu goondu buy super tight skinny jeans and discover after Chinese New Year all the goodies cannot wear liao, right!!??!!

So Dr Og presents his:

Off-White Paper on Preparing Singapore Healthcare for 6.9 Million People (And A Core of 3 Million Singaporeans).

1. Health Promotion

HPB monkey! Source: HPB loh

Health Promotion Board has always been very solid in providing educational materials to promote good health and well being. From animals to vegetables, their adverts (almost) always strike a cord with fellow Singaporeans. In fact I think they are well prepared because the mascots they use are very international, like generic elephant, giraffe and monkey instead of recognizable local species like orang utan or dugong. So our ever increasing international crowd will have no problems identifying with these beasts.

However, in my Off-White Paper, I will like to propose having overseas health promotion! After all by 2030, most of our residents will be foreigners. It will be too late for any brainwashing form of health promotion by the time they are parachuted in at their middle age. And don't you want to see those HPB monkeys speaking in Tagalog?

2. Training of Doctors
If you are not in the medical line, you may not know that postgraduate / specialist training for doctors has undergone a major change in the past few years. We have cleverly adopted the American system of residency training (think Dr Doug Ross (George Clooney) in ER or Dr Meredith Grey (Ellen Pompeo) in Grey's Anatomy). That's cool right? Particularly when we are becoming a really international nation.

What is even more cool is that while the old training trains doctor to be fast and accurate when seeing patients, the new residency programme allows the trainee doctors to slowly take their time. But with 6.9 million where got time, tio boh?

Therefore in the new residency, not only need to learn how to see patients fast fast, also need to learn to hold urine and skip lunch. The exams will not be about clinical work but how long your bladder can tahan before you need to use rubber band (for guys, for girls, can someone from the female sex advise?). Indeed, with 6.9 million people, there will just be people(not urine or faeces) overflowing toilets lor!

3. Improvements in Hospitals
3a. Increasing Hospital Beds

Hospital Beds in 2030!

Given that there is simply a lack of hospital beds now with just 5.3 million people, there needs to be innovative ways of increasing hospital beds! We are already parking beds on corridors. So Dr Og suggest triple decker beds! Never mind if its so crowded until like those 雾锁南洋 (The Awakening) refugee boats! By then we all will be so use to being pack like sardine and be totally desensitized!

Since there are so many water features and ponds in hospitals, we can also have floating beds on them. So patients can now truly enjoy the soothing sound of water running. These luxurious water beds will of course only be opened up to rich private patients.

3b. Translators

Being truly international, we need to hire translators. No, we do not need translators for the various South Asian or exotic European languages. First we need English to English translators. Strangely in the hospital, everyone speaks English but nobody seem to understand each others' English because of the accent. For eg. we will need a translator for someone to translate Indian English to Singlish or from American English to Filipino English. The combinations are scarily more than Street Fighter 4 combos and we need to hire translators now!!!

Secondly, we will also of course need translators for our local spoken languages and dialects as we will soon be the minority. Even now, our ah pek ah emmm are having a hard time communicating with the medical staff in the wards and clinics!

4. Engage TCM and  other traditional healers
My last suggestions. Get TCM and traditional healers to help out! Sure, they don't practice evidence based medicine but so what? There are 6.9 million people can?!! And all deserve some form of medical help right?

Mostly, I'm adding this in to appease the dude who posted an angry comment on my TCM expose. :)

TCM Exposé!

Stop looking at the legs and focus on the Leng Yong drinks!
(Source: http://christallehuang.blogspot.sg)

Patients always ask Dr Og about TCM, aiyah very pek chek lah. All I know about TCM is last time small I fever, my mother give me leng yong drink. End up I my fever never subsided for one week. Now I smart, just take panadol and pour whatever tonic my mother gives me. hahaha

But the most irritating thing about traditional medicine is this scenario:

Ah pek: "Lokun, why cannot recover one. You no good la"

Lokun: "Ah pek you got take your meds boh?"

Ah pek: "No leh, I am taking herbal medicine to adjust the Qi. The sinseh say my body too cool liao."

Lokun: "Alamak, just take both lah."

Ah pek: "Cannot! Take Chinese meds cannot take Western meds. Will cheong!"

(Disclaimer: no ah peks were ever hurt or injured in the making of this blog. Though sometimes there is an urge to knock their heads.)

In any case, Dr Og did some investigative journalism and here are some photos of Traditionl Chinese Medicine made the most traditional way. You decide if these are things you like to ingest, ok?

Wah, another innovative use of children's playground! Air dry TCM!

TCM medications processed and made the most traditional way. No western factories or industrial manufacturing! Just leave on the ground for extra ingredients!

A closer look. Just hanging around, hanging around...

Wow, pigeons all around the area. Mebbe they need to put up a scarecrow!

My humble thoughts on the SMRT Strike 2012

So now they officially call it a strike. And as you know, strikes are illegal in Singapore.

Nowadays COE so expensive, Dr Og also gotta take public transport. Compared to many countries, our transport system is very steady (bom bi bi) liao loh. In some countries, strikes are so common that they become a part of daily living. But usually, you have local people buay song their gahmen unlike in our case.

The Straits Times yesterday (not me hor) aptly pointed out  that Singapore is so reliant on foreign labour and talent even in healthcare sector.This to me is quite scary.

If strike how?

As we approach the ten years anniversary of SARs (Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome - Singapore, 2003) and with news of a new strain of coronavirus (SARS-Like Virus Resurfaces And Infects A Family In Saudi Arabia) lurking, I can't help but wonder whether we can depend on any other than Singaporean healthcare workers should another pandemic erupt.

5 Steps to Becoming a Truly Patient-Centred Public Hospital

See Ma! Got carps and cigarette butts!

Hospital admins are always talking about missions and visions and senior management is always harping about patient centred care. But honestly, when you go to a hospital, do you feel like the hospital is meant for you the patient? When you want to get admitted, sure tell you not enough beds and kennah stuck in A and E. In fact, you may not even be able to find a car park space for your Mercedes in the first place! 

No scared. Dr Og reveals the 5 secret steps to becoming a truly patient-centred public hospital!!

Step One - Have a Lottery Store
Buying Toto and 4D are undoubtedly the favourite past times of Singaporeans. How can miss buying your lucky numbers just because you are admitted to hospital right? If you miss, the number sure come out one! 

Hospitals should have a lottery store right in 7-11 or Cheers like our HDB estates la. To make things easier, let the ah mahs (cleaners) in the ward help patients collect bets and earn some tips for themselves. In OT last minute before the anaesthesia sets in can also put last order. Its win-win for everyone!

Step Two - Have More Yellow Boxes
Ok, Dr Og knows this is controversial. Yah lah, smoking is no good. But isn't it cruel to make the ah pek with COPD (panting) crawl all the way out of the hospital boundary to smoke? Have a heart, condone off more yellow boxes in the hospital for them to smoke. 

But have our medical social workers station there to provide counselling and nag at all of them about smoking. This will also increase the work scope of our MSWs and stop them from complaining about "everyday only do financial assessments niah..."

Win-win again!

Step Three - Treat Your Doctors Better
Look. The simple fact is that patients go to a hospital to see doctors and to get treatments. You can have the most friendly counter staff around but all the patients really care about are the 15-minute consults where they get to interact with the doctors.

Du Lan (angry) Doctors (DLDs) are not going to be very nice to patients are they? DLDs will spend every waking moment in angst and in opposition to the hospital administration. All there are in their minds are how to siam the next admin meeting / hospital lecture on anything but patient care and how they will really like to trip the CEO as he walks out of his office before giving him a good piece of their mind. 

Yup, DLDs are not effective doctors. Is it really that difficult to make doctors happy? See my next post lah!

Wah Waterfall. Well done CEO!

Step Four - Kill the Water Features
I can understand why all CEOs want a pond or a fountain in their hospital. The official story is that the kois and sound of running water are soothing to our patients. In reality, the CEOs are probably comparing "is your pond bigger than my pond" during MOH meetings! Honestly, how many patients you ever see going to enjoy the water features? They are becoming places for people to throw rubbish and their unwanted neon tetras. Also poses a danger for drowning (don't look down on shallow waters ok)!!! Water features are useless, waste water and waste money. Get rid of them, make better use of the space (like 4D shops, yellow boxes or maybe extra hospital beds) and show that you are committed to patient care.

Otherwise, get rid of the CEO.

Step Five - Change Hospital Name Can??
Last time very easy. Hospital in Changi called Changi Hospital. Or named after Singapore. Or at the very least named after a great historical pioneer and philanthropist. Now suddenly named after people Dr Og has never heard before one. Must google then "ohhhh is the ancestor of some rich family." 

You really think our ah peks and ah mahs can remember all these names?? Now you ask them where they are when you do orientation, they all tell you they are in Tan Tock Seng coz thats the only hospital with a human name that they know.

So change the name back to like Yishun General, Jurong General before even the taxi drivers get confused. 

Especially when its impossible these days to drive to a hospital (even new ones) as there are no carpark one!!!! 

Waste Time

So National Day came and went. This year Dr Og so busy, never even watch the fireworks. In hospital, always so many things to do; like change passwords, forget passwords and reset passwords for the various computer systems in the hospital. Plus if you also go to other hospitals to "visit" (means you kennah prostituted to other hospitals), you need to remember extra sets of passwords!

This is no easy feat especially when we get older and your digit span gets shorter! (BTW, digit span is not the length of your finger or any other parts of your body, so don't worry hor!) Now they more kiasu! Must have alphanumeric and capital letter! Uncle sometimes cannot even remember where I park my car you want me to remember so many difficult passwords?

Talking about car parks, the car parks in our hospital are the most jialat. One particular hospital the ramp into the car park so narrow sure scratch if you drive big car ok! Lucky uncle no money anyway so car small small. But the worst thing about the car parks are that there are no space. So if suay suay traffic jam or go out makan during lunch, come back sure no space. Now you know why your lokun always late for clinics huh!

But most times, we doctors always have to go to hospital very very early. Not to start ward round early, but to attend talks. Most times, the talks are irrelevant to your area of speciality but your Boss need to fulfil KPI for attendance. Its really funny to see Operations people working on their laptops in a clinical presentation. Talk about wasting time. Sometimes, the hospital hold talks during lunch and they tell us that's the only time doctors are free. But why they never provide lunch huh? Then when do we get to eat??? Then again, I must really count my blessings if its not one of those compulsory admin talk I have to attend coz unlike the Ops people, I cannot see my patients while listening to them sprout Greek. Mebbe next time Dr Og write blog during these talks! Anyway they are not during the official office hours. Ha!

Ok, I better get back to my work. Dr Og has cleverly written all his passwords on a piece of name card so that I will never get them wrong again.

Hahahahahahahaha!

Wait..... where did I put the name card huh?