Blood ties

Relatives and friends will become part of your patient load the minute you get accepted into medical school. I am not saying that this is a chore but the minute news gets out that you are going to study medicine, friends and relatives you never knew you had would start appearing from nowhere.

From the first day, every weekend, my neurotic grandmother will bring out this big bag of meds and ask me to explain each and every type of meds that she is taking. I have been doing at least twice a month, for the last few years. Over the years, her bag of meds has been growing bigger and bigger. I think she has more meds than a pharmacy and I guess if there was ever a nuclear holocast, she has enough medications to last her for 50 yrs. She would also ask me to measure her blood pressure at least once a week for the reassurance that her hypertension is under control. Guess what, 3 months ago, she got my aunty to get her the Hypocount (blood sugar) monitoring kit! (and she is not even diabetic!). Now there is a full compliment of medical equipment in her house. (Maybe I should open a clinic from her house)

A distant uncle of mine whom I used to see only once a year during Chinese New Year has been appearing at my house more often than ever. He has an endless string of questions to ask about his ailments.

"Hey Boy, my foot hurts when I do this. Why arh?"
"Hey Boy, anything to take to improve my memory arh? Wait, what's your name arh?"
"Hey Boy, your aunty Grace has been singing a lot lately in the shower, is there anything wrong with her arh?"

Friends too start appearing out of the woodwork. Usually they have questions that they are embarrassed to ask their own doctors (or some are too cheapskate to see their own GP).

Friend (in a very soft voice, not letting his GF hear): "Hey doc, I got something personal to ask you... That day arh, I was with this damn chio gal leh. But when the time came arh, I cannot marikita leh. Is there something wrong with me arh?"
Me: "That is called Guilt, my friend"
Friend: "Orr.. So will viagra work arh?"
Me: "....."

Lian Friend: "Oi dog, that day hor, this guy picked me up leh. And we do it this style and that style leh. And he shoot inside me leh. Will I get pregnant arh???"
Me: "Argh!!! Too much details!!!

Beng Friend: " Loctor arh, that day I went for massage leh. Then I also ordered extra leh. Sibei shoik leh. She never use protection leh. but now arh, my little brother very itchy leh. Also got many bubbles on the skin leh. Help me to see whether is it that kind of VD arh... Take a look lar"
Me: "Err, you can finish up the shark's fin soup liao. You have already dipped your spoon in it"

So a doctor's work is never finished. He is on 24/7.