Houseman Survivor Guide -Meet The F*ckers

Houseman Survivor Guide (Monkey Edition)
I. Introduction
II. Hospital Hierarchy
III. A Typical Day
IV. Painkillers
V. Meet The F*ckers



This chapter will be about meeting family members of the patient. Communication with family members is a tricky business especially in these modern times. Do not expect them to come with chickens and eggs like in those period dramas to thank you. Be prepared for an onslaught as these days, the public view doctors with much animosity.

Be Prepared
Remember that you are the host here and there are many things you can do to put yourself at an advantage. For eg, prepare the interview room by turning the air-con to the max. In our hot weather, it is unlikely that they will come in sweaters. But of course you have one ready in the locker. No one will ask too many questions when they are freezing.

Do Not Be Intimidated
The most common mistake a newbie can make is to speak to a whole kumpung of relatives. With each one shooting a question at you like machine gun, no wonder you feel intimidated!! Identify the Indian Chief, make him the representative and turn the tables on him. Have you not notice why the senior consultant always has to have the HO and MO around when he speaks to family? It is not so that the HO can record minutes of what conspired in the meeting but to intimidate the representative with numbers!

Beware Of Handphones
These days, the mobile phones can be easily used as a voice recorder. On many occasions, family members had recorded conversations with Drs and they usually do so on the sly. Any evidence is usually beneficial to Drs since we have nothing to hide. But because this is such a rude act, it is mandatory for us to foil their evil plans, just for the kick of it.
Unless you have thousands of dollars to spare for an anti-spy device, my advice will be to speak in a soft and low tone. The recording will just turn out muffled! hahahaha!

Beware Who You Speak To
Never never speak to family members over the phone unless you already know them well. You can never positively identify the person on the other side of the line. It can be the company checking on the employee pretending to be family, it can be insurance agents investigating the patient's claims and sometimes it is just some kaypoh friends. Whatever the reason, the above mentioned have no rights whatsoever to access patient's info without his/her consent.

Be careful even when the relative is there in person! This really happened:

Relative: Lokun ar, how is Bed 10 ar?
Doc: Sorry m'aam, how are you related?
Relative: I'm the sister la.
Kiasu and Kiasi Doc: ok, can I just see your I/C to make a record..... hmmmm how come you have a different surname huh?
Relative: errrr, I'm the god sister lah!
Doc: In that case I think you better go ask her personally, I have told her about her condition.
Relative: Ya Lah! I ask her already, she don't want to say, thats why I ask you mah!

Sometimes we Singaporeans just don't know how to respect other people's privacy......

Dengue Alert!

Being a responsible (but fake) doctor, I will take this opportunity while my traffic is still somewhat boasted by Sunday's publicity to spread an important message.

You see, I hate mosquitoes! The animosity began in those pre aircon days. At that time we only had fans and the windows were often opened big big to invite these foul creatures into the bedroom. Many nights as a young child I had to endure those sickening itch and could not sleep well. Poor sleep translated into poor attention in school, ultimately resulting in not so good results. I suspect this to be one of the two reasons why I was not given those prestigious gahmen scholarships (or not I will be some big shot writing policies, not blog!). The other being that I didn't apply.

My dislike for these flying vampires grew in my army daze where I was to experience first hand those frightening "tiger mosquitoes". This type of mosquitoes are damn fierce and can even suck your blood through the army uniform! But of course they still pale in comparison with other blood suckers like the forever increasing GST, income tax, road tax and radio license.

Now, mosquitoes not only get on my nerve, they also endanger our well being. Those Aedes mosquitoes carry the dengue virus. Don't worry mosquitoes don't spread the AIDS virus, you only get those from love bites (not mosquitoe bites). But keep in mind that Dengue is potentially fatal. If you have fever and rashes which are like little pin point red dots, please go see a doctor!

Most importantly, as the saying goes, prevention is better than cure (especially when dengue got no cure)! So I did my part by not watering the plants when my mother was away last month. I succeeded in causing most of the plants to dehydrate but when she came back, she was really hoping mad.

Mother: wah lau! why you never water my plants?
BL: wah lau, they breed mosquitoes ok! I get dengue how?
Mother: dun anyhow say ar! I clear the water in the pots everyday!!!!

Yah! Sure you do!

I guess the authority's initiative of getting more inspectors to issue more fines to check for stagnant water ain't gonna be too successful given that there are mothers out there who treasure their pots of plants more than the lifes of their sons. Maybe we should just import more of those slippery lizards! The two residential lizards in my home seemed to be having the time of their life with the feasting. Come to think of it, better go chase them around or not they get too obese and die from coronary heart disease!!!!

Don't Look Back in Anger

After working for a few years, some of us developed this “switch” inside us that we can switch on and off. Like what was mentioned in some of the earlier posts, it is probably a defense mechanism to protect ourselves from being too emotionally affected. Please do not get me wrong. We do not want to be devoid of emotions. The day I no longer feel anything will be the day I decide to hang up the stethoscope and do something else. Maybe be a lawyer or something. =P

An incident happened some time back that “jammed” the switch inside me. I came across this Primary School girl who was adopted since she was a baby from a foreign land. (We shall call her Sally) The adopted parents thought that they could not have their own child. They loved Sally. For about a year or so.

A year after the adoption, the adopted mother became pregnant. The adopted grandparents were overjoyed. They sincerely felt that Sally brought luck and good fortune to the family. However, the mother hated Sally. At that time, it was only a small seed. But it would continue to grow. She had a couple more children during the next few years and the hatred for Sally intensified. She forbade the rest of the family from caring for Sally.

The mother tried to return Sally to the country she came from. She was told by the relevant authorities that this could not be done. She tried a few more times over the years and soon, the children grew up.

Sally was not allowed to go to KFC, BK or MacDonald’s like her adopted siblings. The family would bring home leftovers for her. Take note that it is leftovers, and not a new set of Happy Meal with some toy inside that they decided to “takeaway” for Sally back home.

When the family went to the Zoo, the Monkey Park etc., Sally was made to stay at home. Sometimes with the maid, and sometimes by herself.

Sally was not supposed to be seen or heard when the parents come home from work. She was to stay inside her room and stayed quiet. If she was sighted or a noise/voice was heard from her, she would be scolded or punished.

Sally slept alone. She can’t even remember from what age she did that. At around 9 p.m., she had to switch off her lights. She told me she could sometimes hear the mother telling bedtime stories to her adopted siblings in the room down the corridor.

Sally loved reading. Because she was not allowed to buy her favourite story books, she ended up reading magazines, her siblings’ books that were just too simple for her, and apparently, she read the manuals lying around at home. In theory, she would know how to operate the air-con and some kitchen appliances quite well.

I cannot really describe what I felt when I heard the above. I thought nothing can really surprise me anymore. Certainly if I was watching some local television show or some Taiwanese serials, then I would not be surprised. This happened in real life. I was disturbed, angry and sad at the same time. And I am still feeling this way whenever I think about it.

The last time I spoke to Sally, she smiled and told me that she still misses her adopted parents and believes she will move back with them soon. I forced myself to smile back. She still does not know that the adopted family was only too glad to get rid of her.

I know that I am not allowed to think this way, but one word popped into my mind.

Retribution. Just like in those serials.

P.S. "Sally" is staying with a friend's friend now. She is no longer neglected. In fact, her life now is opposite of what it was previously. She's still adjusting though to the love and concern.

Today In The Pantry - Chances Are......

Before leaving for post call this Sunday morning, had a little chat with a colleague:

Colleague: Wah, you know ar, tomorrow the Monkey Lottery 2.8 million leh!
BL: Yah, later go and buy.
Colleague: You know hor, my lawyer friends are always very surprise we doctors buy lottery.
BL: Aiyah, spend a few dollars to buy some hope mah! They 4 months bonus consider low liao hor. Ours how to compare?
Colleague: Yah lor, if heng heng tio, I can pay finish my study loan, car loan, flat loan, hahahahaha.
BL: And some more can buy bungalow, pay for bond and start my own practice, hahahaha
Colleague: hahahhahahaha
BL: hahahahaha
Colleague: hmmmm, what do you think is the chance of striking 1st prize huh?
BL: prolly lower than you dying of AMI (heart attack) now......
*silence*

Free Publicity! WooHoo!!

It is a rather strange feeling seeing your own blog featured on the papers. Sort of a nauseating sweetness to it...... strange.

Anyhow, I wish to thank Sunday Times for their free publicity. But I will not since they did not mention Johnny (read this) whom I have been hoping to sell for a long time. Damn! The publicity would have helped! Now I can only take Andrew's suggestion, go paste notices in the Medicine Library and hope that the little ones take the bait.

Apparently I had also effectively stripped away the prestige of being a doctor! Oh dear, sorry guys!!

P.S. Also need to clarify some things here.

1. The article by Ms Yeo seemed to imply that all abortions are done this way. Nah... those less than 14 weeks or so can be aborted via Dilation and Curettage (D&C), Suction Aspiration etc. For these abortions, pictures are not taken! Samples may still be taken though.

2. For babies aborted via MTTP, samples are NOT always taken from the baby. In cases where the baby died in-utero, samples would be taken so as to identify whether the baby suffered from any genetic diseases. This would help to identify the cause of death and to provide the necessary genetic counselling if conditions are identified.

Cow Paye & Cow Boo

Complains are dime a dozen for doctors. So much so that we have a saying:

If you have not had a complain, you have not been working hard enough.

Complains can be as innocuous as a letter to your boss stating that you were rude and unhelpful (most common complain, just means they don't like your face) to as malicious as those sent to the forum of our national paper to condemn the doctors.

Recently, there was one such complain from a family member in the forum which alleged that the doctors in SGH did not do a scan for a patient as it was over the weekend/public holiday. The patient apparently was transferred to a private hospital where a scan was done and his life was hence saved. Later SGH replied to clarify that the hospital involved was not even SGH to begin with. The real hospital involved, TTSH, also replied stating that the date given was wrong, it was not over a weekend/public holiday and a scan was indeed done.

Wah! Like that also can!

So suka suka complain about doctors, then doctors complain to who?? We have no recourse! We cry no tears! Since I am in such a foul mood as I am on call today and my back still hurts from all that stabbing, I also want to complain. I cannot write to the forum because you need to be a real doctor to do that, so I will complain to my own blog!

I'm serious! Prepared envelope, no less!

Dear Blog,

Re: Complain Letter

This is with regards to the consultation on 29/02/2005 in Clinic Z of hospital ABC. I was buzzing for patient Tan Ah Meng the upteemth time but he did not come into the room. When he did turn up, he did so without knocking on my door and in the middle of my consultation with another patient.

When I politely asked him to leave the room, (Can't he see I am attending to another patient???!!!!) he gave me an angry stare! And I swear I heard him cursing loudly outside the consultation room after that!

When I finally saw him, he was most unfriendly. While i tried to engage him, he was angry looking and refused to answer my questions. Since that is so, I again politely asked him to go collect his medicine to which he replied "you mean that is all????"

I want to complain about his bad attitude and unpatiently behaviour!

Since I'm at it I also will like to complain about those "by the way" patients. "By the way" they also have headache, leg pain, ear pain, long zhong tia (everywhere pain) and demand for cough mixture, panadol, flu medicine and vitamins. I often have to spent another 15 minutes examining these from head to toe. Because of their antics, I see the rest of the patients late and get complaints! Specialist clinic are for specific problems needing speciality management, can don't waste time with all those unrelated request?

By the way, I also want to complain about Ward 44 Bed 4. That day I went to take blood from him and he was most uncooperative. He threatened to "break my jaw" if i took blood from him and accused me of selling his blood. How is it possible that I can sell 10mls of blood? How unprofessional of him as a patient to not know that!

I sincerely hope that you look into the matters mentioned above and take appropriate actions!
But since I know you won't be able to do so, let me finish off by saying:

Just because you are sick, depress, angry, anxious or just down right ignorant does not give you the right or priviledge to scold, abuse, defame or undermine me and my profession.

Thank you very much!

Yours sincerely,
BL Og

Technorati Tag: singapore doctor medicine blog

The Road Home

Leukemia is different from most malignancies in that it afflicts young people. What strike me most during my time in the haematology ward (where leukemic patients are treated) was not just the suffering but something else.

The story usually goes like this. A young girl is found to have leukemia and admitted for chemotherapy. During the first admission, her bed is filled with flowers, ballons and cards wishing her well. Her good friends visit her everyday and her boyfriend stays with her til the ward is closed late night. You hear laughters and words of encouragement as her friends supports her through the ordeal. Strangely, the patient in the next bed with no visitors never seemed envious.

After a while, the flowers disappears and the friends dwindle. You see the boyfriend reading his book and the patient listening to her walkman (MP3 player not invented yet), quietly looking at the ceiling. You start noticing the mother, often a small plumbish lady. Perharps you missed her earlier as the patient was surrounded by too many friends. The mother comes day in, day out, preparing food for the young girl. They seldom talk.

Into the 3rd admission, her bed is quiet. No cards, no ballons, no flowers and no friends. Her boyfriend who was still coming on alternate days last admission has stopped coming altogether. You see signs of resignation on her face. She is not depressed, just resigned to fate. The girl chats with the patient in the next bed. The patient tells her, "Its like that." She has been through it. Now you notice her father. He comes after work in the evening, standing quietly beside the mother.

It is not easy. The many cycles of chemotherapy. Her hair drops and with that her morale. This time, the girl hugs her mother and cries. Her mother cries with her. You wonder how long they have not hugged each other. Her father still stands there, his eyes are wet too.

With treatment, she will pull through. With her family's love she will recover. She will wear a cap until her hair grows again. She will go back to school and her friends will once again flock to her with words of encouragement. But this time it will be different. It is different.

Doctors Are Doing Their Rounds......

......and no visitors allowed!





The ward is a busy place not only for doctors and nurses but also for patients and their families. It is not an uncommon sight to see little children practising their shuttle run, up and down the aisle, screaming in delight.

"OOOhhhh, so cute, ah ma do you see boy boy running there. next time sure run for the country!" You hear a family member tell an elderly patient.

We try to be compassionate and allow family members as much time as possible with patients. We believe that strong family support will help in patient's recovery. But some families do take it to the extreme.

Sometimes the whole kumpung turns up for a gathering cum picnic. Indeed, a recent study done by Og et al found that wards were only second to the beach in being the most popular place for setting up tentage and having a BBQ. So the poor HO spent 15 minutes trying to maneuver pass the entire village only to find 15 pairs of curious eyes staring at him taking blood.

We also get those great pretenders. Some punk gets admitted and you see a whole group of youngsters by his bed.

HO: wah, cool helmets, you guys are bikers???
Friend of Patient: Yah la, actually bicycle-ers lah!
HO: oh..... anyway, there is too many of you, can the non family members please wait outside the ward first? I have something important to tell the family.
Friend of Patient: but we're all family man!!!
HO: Really? How are you related?
Friend of Patient: We all bbbrrruudders!!!! (He says proudly)
Wah lau, the hip hop hurray kind of brother don't qualify as next of kin, can?!!

There are also those who die die have to see the patients when the ward are closed to visitations for ward rounds. We restrict visitations to allow doctors the space and peace of mind to examine patients and decide management plans. Also, as beds are only seperated by curtains in non paying wards, visitors running around will mean compromising patient's modesty during examination. But some family members just can't understand.

Consultant seeing Bed 10: Hmmmm, we will first proceed with the CT scan and we should also make a referral to the surgeons.
A head suddenly pops up from no where: Hi doc, i'm the husband of Bed 12, can you tell me about her condition!!
Consultant shocked: Er mister visitors are not allowed now and we are in the midst of seeing another pt, but since you are here can you wait by the bed and I will talk to you in a short while.
A head: ok (and disappears)

Consultant now seeing Bed 11: Hmmmm, has the blood culture come back yet, HO make sure you trace it today.
The head appears again: Heh doc, you think its ok for my wife to eat ginseng? huh? huh?
Consultant: Mister, if you do not go back to the bed, i will call for security.
The head: But you gotta tell me now! I need to go home and cook the chicken ginseng soup!

But nothing can be more irritating than those little ones running around like the hospital is some playground. I really don't blame them coz the whole world is prolly just one big playground for them. Its the parents who fail in controlling their precious children. Don't they understand that patients are here to rest? Don't they know that the ward is full of danger? Don't say I didn't warn you coz the next time you kids run in the ward, Uncle Og is gonna give you a big injection in the ass!!!!

Sleeping With The Enemy

Woohoo!! Man POWER!!!



The Longkang Times also reported on male nurses today on the front page! Dr BL Og will also like to salute our male nurses here!

Dr Og is not sexist ok, but frankly given a choice, I will rather work with male nurses. Why???

1) They are not so kan cheong.
Somehow the char bors are kan cheong spiders (read this article). So many times those female nurses code blue (emergency code for patient who collapse) and when we reach there you see the patient comfortably sipping on his Milo.

"But doc, just now I call him no response!"

Yup, he was sleeping.

2) They are not so naggy!!
Contrary to common belief that male nurses are usually effeminate, it takes a garung man to be a male nurse these days as this is a hospital ploy to get a two in one, ie nurse double up as security guard. So the male nurses are damn solid (ya! the ultimate lock!) and don't kpkb day in day out. Saves our ears from getting raped by those high pitch screams of "Dr!!! Dr!!......"

3) We are Brothers!
Pee break, smoking break, can you go with the female nurses??? The male nurses are perfect mates to go la kopi with. Let them be your ears and eyes in the ward, to keep watch on that evil matron so that you can be one up on her the next time she tries to complain to your consultant! With the male nurses there is always room to cham siong. Yes, having gone through similar NS experiences, we are band of brothers!

4) No Need to be So Sensitive
To hell with being the SNAG! Talk abit louder to the ger nurse, "You SHOUT at me!!". Tell her she did the wrong things "You know you hurt my feelings!"
With the male nurses, no need for all those silly sensitvities. You can swear knnbccb and they won't complain to the nearest matron. You can have a heated argument without worrying about them running to the toilet to cry. (and you having to embarrasingly stand outside the toilet door to pacify!) No need say sorry! hehe!

5) They don't become your wives!
It is REAL that doctors, being boring creatures with no life beyond the hospital, end up marrying nurses. With the male nurses there is NO danger of making this mistake and bringing Hell home with you!

Just so that you don't end up sleeping with the enemy!! (Trust me on this one!)

Today In the Pantry: The Doctor's Wife

I had a chat with the friend who borrowed Johnny. He was having just a little problem with his wife.....

Friend: you know ar, my wife complain be doctor's wife very cham!
Og: Why ar?
Friend: That day she bah toh tia (tummy ache), wanted to take MC. I say she chow keng. She say we doctors got no sympathy for their own wives.
Og: Aiyah, all the char bor all like that want lah, my wife also everytime tao tia (headache), take MC. Tell her nothing wrong somemore say I not concern about her!
Friend: The thing is my wife say trust is very important thing in marriage and I should really believe she bah toh tia......
Og: Thats also correct mah, maybe she tua lao sai (big diarrhoea) or something
Friend: No lah no symptoms, I examined her, abdo soft non tender, bowel sound positive.
Og: Aiyah, you surgical trainee, you should know mah, most abdo pain non specific.... mebbe really pain leh?
Friend: Like that the GP sibei solid, cure her so fast because the pain went away immediately....... right after she got the MC.

Technorati Tag: singapore doctor medicine blog

Mind Your Langauge

I like to use dialects to communicate with non-English speaking patients or family members. Not only can they understand better, it helps to build rapport and to put them at ease. Peharps some feel they have to be at the same level as doctors and will insist on speaking English regardless.

When I was just a student, I attended a clinic ran by a MO. A Chinese national had brought her daughter for thyroid function test and the MO was trying to explain the results.

PRC Man: Speak Engrish plreaseee.
MO: Oh great, you speak English! That make things alot easier. You see Mister Chen, your daughter's thyroxine level is abnormal and we need to proceed for further testing. Do you know what thyroxine is?
PRC Man: Tyrrooozine?? Can you lepeat???
MO: Thyroxine, the hormone from the thyroid gland at your neck. You understand?
PRC Man: Neeck?

At this point it was obvious that the man did not had an adequate command of English to understand the problem at hand. The MO proceeded to explain in Mandarin, but the man insisted,

Man: Speakk, Engrish prease!

In a way, we could understand where he was coming from. In a foreign land, he prolly felt slighted if we spoke to him in Mandarin. Nonetheless, the issue at hand is his daughter's abnormal results and not his ego!

If you think this only happens to foreigners, you think wrong! One day, I was given the unenviable (sai kang) task of telling family members that an old gentleman was critically ill and prolly not make it much longer. His family was not particularly concerned actually and only his daughter in law was around. She was a lao lian with tatooed eyebrow and a big gaudy handbag...... She was on her handphone speaking loudly in Hokkien when I approached her.

Lao Lian: Ok lah ok lah, lokun lai liao, dang kah kong. (she puts down her phone)
Me the lokun: Aunty ah, kong hokkien or jiang hua yu? (I asked if she spoke Hokkien or Mandarin)
Lao Lian: I speak En-ger-leash.
Me: Ok.... I am really sorry to say that given your father in law's age and condition previously, it is unlikely that he will survive this round of infection......
Lao Lian: Er, how his flame??
Me: Flame??? You mean frame? His frame is like I said, before this admission already very bad. So now with this severe infection, it is unlikely that he will make it. You will have to be prepared.
But the Lao Lian went on: His flame, his flame.
Me desparately simplifying my English to help her understand this impt message: Yah, his frame no good, will not make it.
Lao Lian pointing to the throat and chest: He kot many flame! A lot!
Me: You mean phlegm??????

I cannot remember how I finally got the message across (maybe i didn't) but it was bizarre how she was so preoccupied with "the flame" when the poor man was dying. Maybe she just wanted to know whether she should bring the family heirloom spittoon to the ward......

The Time I Almost Cried

Jusme commented:

"i guess your caring profession makes you numb and devoid of feelings after a while, no offence intended....."
Doctors are often misunderstood creatures. The reason being we do not explain ourselves enough. Let me tell you a story.
There were 4 doctors belonging to the same team working in the oncology ward (cancer ward). One day, a 14 year old patient in the ward became short of breathe. Suspecting that he might be suffering from pulmonary embolism, the HO rushed to arrange an urgent scan for him. In that few minutes he took to arrange the scan, the patient collapsed and was intubated by the Registrar and MO. He was then transferred to the ICU.
Despite being in the care of the ICU team, the 4 doctors made their way to the ICU each day after their tiring ward round to visit this child. There were tubes all over his body and the size of the machines around him made him look small.
On the 4th day, the boy woke up. When the team visited him in the ICU, the motherly Consultant took the boy's hand and gave words of encouragement. He could not speak as he was still intubated and he could not move as he was too weak. There was a look of despair and desperation in his eyes and he started crying uncontrollably. At this point the Consultant could no longer contain her emotions and teardrops welled in her eyes. The Registrar turned towards the wall to hide his face while the MO quickly wiped her tears off with tissue. The HO who was standing at the end of the bed had no wall to turn to. He too felt the despair of the child. A 14 year old boy who would otherwise be kicking a ball in the soccer field was here, gaging on the endotracheal tube as he cried, tied to the bed by the numerous IV lines. He tried to hold back his tears, he was the only real guy in the team and he did not want to cry in public. Maybe a drop did trickle down his cheeks.
The team was quiet after leaving the ICU. They did not talk about their feelings. Perharps they felt embarrassed by the public show of emotions. How unprofessional! The HO felt puzzled. The hospital is a place of great emotions. The oncology ward even more so. Depressed patients going through terrible sufferings and families devastated when their love ones succumb to the illness. How was he to cope with all this? How was he to continue doing his work if he could not control his own fear of death and suffering? How was he to help the patients feel that there is hope if he was a depressed wreck?
He promised himself: he will not cry again.

Houseman Survivor Guide - Introduction

Houseman Survivor Guide (Monkey Edition)
I. Introduction
II. Hospital Hierarchy
III. A Typical Day
IV. Painkillers
V. Meet The F*ckers

As the most junior of doctors in the hospital, life can be rather depressing. Do not expect any respect from the nurses, clerks or even cleaners. Do not expect any sympathy from your fellow more-senior doctors as we believe this to be a test of strength and the best time to prove yourself. If it doesn't kill you, it will make you a better man. To help you survive this trial by fire, I present to you a many parts mini series - The Definitive Housemanship Survivor Guide.

I have previously dropped some tips along the way like what a typical day entails and why panadol is so damn important. Today I kick off this series by having a detailed analysis of the types of housemen there are. Correctly knowing yourself is crucial for HOs or HOs to be improve! (no lah i just want to flame HOs after flaming MOs and nurses, hahaha)

1. The Sotong HO

Everywhere we go, we have sotongs. Those blur pricks who just can't seem to get their acts together. The Sotong always look busy but never seem to be getting anything done. During the rounds, he will get lost and cannot find the team.

MO calls the HO: Sotong! Where are you!!!
HO: huh?? I'm with the Consultant. The one who wears a crocodile belt.....
MO: Wah lau, that is the gynae team, you are in Internal Med, you BODOH!

The saving grace for a Sotong is that sometimes the blur-ness is just a transient reaction to adjustment disorder and he is actually trying his best.

2. The Zombie HO
Permanently dissociated, the hospital is to these HOs what full moon is to werewolves. These HOs do not smile and they do not cry. They do not take initiatives but when asked to perform tasks, they will do so.... like a Zombie. They recover when it is time to go home (see them take their bags and run out of hospital) and are permanently cured when they get promoted to MOs.

3. The Slow Coach HO
In medicine, the tortoise will never win the race. The slow coach HO is not just slow because he is new. He is inherently just......slow. He will take one whole night to see one new patient while his MO has to clear the rest of the 20 cases. He takes the whole morning to take a few bloods leaving his team members to pull out their hair (or what remains of a balding head) in frustration.

4. The Tai Tai HO
You recognise them with the LV or Gucci bags they are carrying. These girls come to ward rounds in high heels and have a tendency to fall on consultants. Male consultants with lots of mojo might give them some luviing but most of the time they just get a good scolding. These HOs are disinterested in their HO work and try their best to become gynaecologist.

5. The I'm-so-Angy HO

Forever BCC (臉臭臭), these HOs walk around with the you-owe-me-money look. The senior doctors want to ask them to do things also scared. Don't say the nurses.

MO: Hi, are you alright, how come you look so sad today.(trying to cheer her up)
HO: On call, what do you expect!!(walks away)

6. The HO from Hell
Every now and then, you get a HO that you say to yourself "SHIT!". These HOs come in many shapes and sizes, and different sex as well. But one thing is for sure, no one wants them in their teams.
Simply put it, these HOs quarrel with nurses, argues with Consultants, scolds patients and do not get their work done. They leave for post call right on the dot, disregarding the fact that 8am post call is just an admin ploy to make things look good on paper. They simply boh chap and leave leftovers for other HOs to clear.

They make mistakes but think that others are against them.

MO: er, I think you labelled the bloods wrongly....
HO from Hell: No i din!
MO: never mind just re-label it.

ten minutes later:
MO: you labelled it wrongly again!!!
HO from Hell: you all are against me!!!!! Boo hoo hoo (runs away crying)

If you happen to be a ger HO, crying might get you out of the fix. Male HO please don't try hor, you might just be mistaken as a gay and get a bashing in the toilet!

7. DAMN POWER HO (DPHO) Contributed by drrw

The one who is on the right ball. Unselfish, punctual, hardworking, mentally strong and doesn't crack under pressure easily, has good people skills to deal with difficult relatives, able to take blood and set plug perfectly 90% of the time, willing to learn and take constructive criticisms, independent, helpful, super efficient, medically competent, has good judgement when to call his seniors and has a good self awareness to know what he can handle himself, able to prepare for Grand ward round independently without embarassing MO and Registrars.

Hmmmm..... Sounds eerily like me. :P

The Og's Diet Challenge

I met up with Ah Long, my hospital debt collector for lunch.
He came in his WRX STi


Ah long saw me drooling over his car and smugly said,
"Braadeer, you still driving that lao pok Corolla isit?"


I felt quite insulted and to spite him back, I asked him about his blog. Ever since Buffy the Vampire Slayer Barffie said that he copied Rockson's style, Ah Long has been too upset to blog.



"That si lang Buffie, basket, I where got copycat!?? You all stoopid bloggers, big mouth and always only tok cock. Like the stoopid Og's Diet you tell people, like can work like tat!"

Digression


The Og's Diet is a revolutionary dieting programme. Unlike most slimming program you are not required to read a thick book or go through many hours of training. It is actually just a very simple concept or philosophy(if you will allow me that).

To do the Og's diet, you shall NOT spent more than SIN$3 on each meal. Given the exponential way cost of living (& GST) is rising, you will eat less each day. You will not be able to afford kopi peng and instead have to go for the office water cooler. Hence you will have less calories each day and become a tek ko in no time.

Feel free to try!!!

Angry that he looked down on us bloggers, (and also call Barffie si lang), I decided to embark on the Og's diet for a week to prove that it actually works!!!
So for lunch I ordered wanton mee - $2.50


and realise I couldn't have my fave Kickapoo! :(


Ah Long wasn't very convince while he gurped down his bowl of shark's fin. (Business must be very good for him.) I told him I will see him in one weeks time and show him the result!!

That night, I stuck religiously to the diet regime:

No beer!!!

NO PEANUTS!

Because peanuts sometimes cost $600,000

This was all I had:


No more than $3!!!

After 1 week of this wonderful regime, I proudly called Ah Long out for some beer to show him the results, even took the trouble of showing him photos before and after:


Ah Long was quite impressed "Wah, not only lose weight, the muscles now also tua tua liap!"
But he was quite puzzled "Errr, why got mosiac on the picture like japanese porn? Your ch**by* grow on your face isit??!!"

Technorati Tag: singapore doctor medicine blog dieting Og's diet

You aren't Superman,

and you definitely aren't made of steel.




Yes you ar! The gay looking young man in tight bicycle shorts. You suddenly cut into my lane this morning round Monkey Crescent! Ya ya, you signalled by waving your right hand. But you cut into my lane from the pedestrain pathway ok! Since when the pedestrian path become part of the road? Do you see cars driving onto the foot path???

And you, the ah pek in singlet. You suddenly cycle across the zebra crossing just while I was accelerating to move off. How the hell you expect me to see you when you chiong at such a high speed and behind a big tree somemore???

And the two of you! You all not wearing helmets. You think Singapore road very safe isit? Better go check the statistics on how many road accidents there are every year. Why the rest of the developed world got law say must wear helmet then singapore don't have? All the ah peks just chiong here and there in their bi-ci-ker, sometimes long pang their grandchildren, all ne'er wear helmet. Then these cyclist suka suka change from pedestrian to road user then back to pedestrian like Transformer like tat ar???? Wah lui hiam hor!

Head Injuries

Maybe you dunno, but head injury is very dangerous and potentially fatal. Almost 100% of persons with severe head injury and as many as two thirds of those with moderate head injury will be permanently disabled and will not return to their premorbid level of function.

This means that a head injury may just make you stupid and you pee indiscriminately like a child. The take home message really is not that you should not cycle on the roads. It is perfectly fine if you follow traffic rules and your path is predictable to the motorist. Most importantly, wear a helmet!!! Yes, its ugly but the depression on your scalp after craniotomy aren't pretty either! Yes, you might not be travelling at a high speed, but the thing that is gonna knock you silly sure might be!

So ar, the ah pek and gay man, remember hor! You are not Superman ok!!! (and you definitely aren't made of steel!)

Your helmet might just save your life!

The Good Doctor

In his heydays, he dedicated all his time to the hospital and his practice. His patients adored him and said he was the best doctor there ever was.

He spent little time at home and his children grew up without him.

In his heydays, he was a leading researcher. He gave lectures to thousands of academic scholars. He was the authority in his field.

He had no time for his family and his wife divorced him.

In his heydays, he taught countless medical students and strike terror into them. He made men from boys and he transformed them into good doctors. He was respected by all in the hospital.

He returned to an empty home and he started drinking.

His heydays ended in the blink of an eye. In his last days he was a bitter man and all he had was a bottle of whisky. Sometimes his students would visit him but like him in his heydays, they were all too busy.

He died a lonely and depressed man.

MC King

The situation is getting worse.

During my grandfather's time, MC was only given if the patient was unable to walk, talk or running to the toilet all the time. No one kenged an MC. Everyone went about doing their business if they had a headache. No one coerced the doctor to give an MC.

During my father's time, when a person wanted an MC, he/she still had the decent courtesy of faking a severe illness. He will go to the doctor and say that he has diarrhoea and has been going to the toilet every 30 mins for the past 8 hrs (implies 16 trips to the toilet). At least the doctor had something to write in his medical record even though he knows that if a person had gone to the toilet 16 times and wiped his arse with the poor quality toilet paper, his arse would be bleeding pails of blood.

Now, patients think that MCs are a god given right. They don't even bother to think of a proper excuse. I have had patients who come see me for routine follow-up and after the consultation, they just simply say that they don't feel like going back to work and want an MC. Some even resort to threatening the doctor.

Patient: Hey doc, I don't feel like working today leh. Can give MC or not?
Doc: No lar.... you are so well, why you need an MC?
Patient: Want to give or not? If you don't give, I later go call your wife and tell her that I saw your SLK parked outside Geylang Lor 18 No 69 House arh, the one with the big big red lantern one!

If they do not threaten the doctor, another ploy that they use is making a small injury seem to be life-threatening. I had a case where this lady came and said she cut herself accidentally and wanted an MC

Patient: Doc arh, I accidentally cut myself today leh.
Doc: Where arh?
Patient: On my little toe when I was cutting my toe nails.
Doc (Squinting very hard to see): Err... I cannot see any cuts leh. (Half expecting to see the little toe amputated and hanging on by a thin strip of skin).
At this point, the doc whips out his magnifying glass and looks closer.
Doc: Yes, I see the cut now. Okie, I give you some ointment lar.
Patient: I also want an MC. How can I go out like that with a plaster on my little toe. It would not match my open-toed Farragamohs.
Doc: .......

People nowadays have ran out of ideas to get an MC and will by all means try to get one. The whole irony is that although I have been having a low grade fever for the past 1 week, a sorethroat that made talking painful and a horrible cough that kept waking me up in the middle of the night, I couldn't take an MC.

Alas, the baker cannot get the bread that he has baked.

The Skeleton In My Closet

Life as a first year medical student was really quite a bore. It didn't take long for the few pretty ones to get hitched (see here to know why so few chio bu in med fac). To be more accurate, they were all taken up even before school started, in medic camp that is.

So after the initial shock of having to cut dead people up, things were getting a little slow. There were no chio bu left to bio, and we were all falling asleep in the lecture theatre after the lights went out and the OHP went on. The lousy wooden seats in the LT was so uncomfortable that we were perpetually shifting our ass all the time to prevent buttock sores. After paying the most expensive school fees..... we had the worst seats.

While the guys in the other faculties were busy looking for sex and the girls were busy finding love, we medics were busy studying to pass our anatomy weekly test. The tests were always scheduled for fridays and if you failed, you felt stupid and lousy for the whole weekend. Otherwise you start preparing for next week's test during the weekend! Yipee!!!

So it should come as no surprise that I did not manage to bring home a girl in my first year. Well, I did bring Johnny back. Johnny is German and was about 175cm tall. His palm was about the same size as mine and he had this perpetual smile on his face (or what's left of it).No, no, no..... Johnny aren't my gay friend! He is not even alive for goodness sake.

Johnny is actually my half set skeleton. I bought him for MR$750 from my senior and there was only half of him in the box. The skull is complete though and I reckoned the other half was prolly left with his family to be buried. I used him to study the bony structures of the human body and I named him after Johnny Bravo who was at that time my fave cartoon character. From the certificate of authencity, I knew he was German of origin.

Initially I proudly displayed him in his full glory on my shelves. But when my anatomy exams where over, my mother told me to keep him away. Hahaha, the whole family was really spooked by his presence. Unlike some skeletons owned by my friends, Johnny was a good pal and never gave me or my family any problems. A friend of mine kept having a recurring nightmare of a man in a black horse spearing him to death after bringing home his skeleton, but then again he doubled up the skull as his ash tray.

So heeding my mum's advise, Johnny has been kept in my closet ever since. He left once when loaned to a junior. Latelyhe is with a friend of mine taking his surgical exams. I had tried several times to lelong Johnny in the local medical forums. But no one ever reads those forums. Damn!

Johnny is in prestine condition. Anyone interested in owning such a wonderful curios can leave me his email or email me directly. I am willing to part with him for a paltry sum of $1000 $750 $500 only because petrol prices keep spiralling upwards and I need my car to drive my sickly old grannies to the hospitals for follow ups. sob sob!

The Curse

My first day at work, the rather grumpy clerk ("No! I'm not a clerk! I'm an admin executive!") passed me my pager. I last used a pager when I was an army boy. At that time, handphones were as big as water bottles and were often the favourite murder weapons in Chinese drama serials.

I did not know what to expect with the ancient gadget in my hand. Like a hooker, I waited for my "customers" to page for me. It did not take long. Before the day ended, I had 40 odd pages. That made it an average of 4.4444444 pages per hour. Die die die die die die, it cried out at me.

The usual culprits are the nurses who can page you incessantly for the most ridiculous of things. You would think they would at least wait by the phone for you to answer. But there exist a particular university hospital where the culture of the nurses are such that they will page you and just leave.

Doc: Hello, docto- on-call here, who paged?
Nurse(on the other end of the line) shouts: ANYBODY PAGE????!!!!
Nurse: You wait ar!
And so you wait, and wait, and wait. All this while, your pager goes off a couple more times and your patients are waiting for you to digitally evac their impacted faeces!
Hello! If you want to page people, at least wait by the phone for 5 minutes, can????

Many doctors have this same experience. You are on call, it is the wee hours of the morning, you are cold, tired, hungry and sticky. The pager keeps beeping...... You ask yourself what the f**k you are doing here, you just wanna throw the god damn thing out of the window, walk out of the hospital and take a taxi back home where your comfy bed is. Don't worry, we all have the same experience. One foreign talent did just that, she walked out of the hospital on the first call and took the next flight home. But at least she left her pager behind. Beep!

All said and done, a junior doctor is expected to have good pager habits. That is to answer all pages and to answer them ASAP. The pager is like an invisible leash on the doctors. It is a curse. It is a curse that we carry.

Technorati Tag: singapore doctor medicine blog

A Friend or Just A Patient?

"Do you treat me as a friend or just a patient" A patient shot this question at me out of the blue one day.

In that split second, the neurons in my brain went into overdrive trying to formulate an answer that would not hurt her feelings and destroy my rapport with her and at the same time preserve the appropriate boundaries.

Please do not be mistaken, doctors do have friends outside the medical field. I have always enjoyed having a mug of beer with my group of secondary classmates of which none are doctors, listening to them talk about the world outside & dreaming about how nice it would be if I had done something else.

But really as doctors, we have boundaries to keep and this is in the patient's best interest. Just humour me and let me illustrate with this example.

Dr BL Og: Mum, I think you should really take your high blood pressure pills, you know if you don't take, you might get a stroke.....

Mother interrupts: Choi Choi Choi!!! Don't curse me arh Ah Boy! We Chinese people hate 2 things most, going to doctors and to matahs! Anyway you have been coughing for a few days, better drink the liang teh I brewed!

Dr BL Og: But mum, liang teh is not evidence based leh, I will prescribe meds for mysel......

Mother interrupts: What do you know! This is a special concoction left from your ah gong's ah gong's ah gong!!! You better drink or I spank your backside!

While the above conversation is fictional (or not), in reality, doctors have traditionally adopted a paternalistic approach in the practice of medicine. Over time, patients look upon doctors as authoritative figures. And it is exactly with this priviledge that we can instruct patients to take appropriate treatments. Even though medicine is moving towards a more consultative style (like our gahmen is apparently doing), in our asian society, the paternalistic way remains (which is what our gahmen actually is). So, my mother can never see her son as a fatherly figure and will never listen to my advice.

Likewise, if patients become our friends, will the paternalistic image be lost as well? Will the patients then stop listening to our advice?

The split second went by quickly and my answer to the patient was that it is more important for me to remain her doctor. She concurred that I would be more valuable to her as a doctor than I can ever be as a friend....... DOH!

Blood ties

Relatives and friends will become part of your patient load the minute you get accepted into medical school. I am not saying that this is a chore but the minute news gets out that you are going to study medicine, friends and relatives you never knew you had would start appearing from nowhere.

From the first day, every weekend, my neurotic grandmother will bring out this big bag of meds and ask me to explain each and every type of meds that she is taking. I have been doing at least twice a month, for the last few years. Over the years, her bag of meds has been growing bigger and bigger. I think she has more meds than a pharmacy and I guess if there was ever a nuclear holocast, she has enough medications to last her for 50 yrs. She would also ask me to measure her blood pressure at least once a week for the reassurance that her hypertension is under control. Guess what, 3 months ago, she got my aunty to get her the Hypocount (blood sugar) monitoring kit! (and she is not even diabetic!). Now there is a full compliment of medical equipment in her house. (Maybe I should open a clinic from her house)

A distant uncle of mine whom I used to see only once a year during Chinese New Year has been appearing at my house more often than ever. He has an endless string of questions to ask about his ailments.

"Hey Boy, my foot hurts when I do this. Why arh?"
"Hey Boy, anything to take to improve my memory arh? Wait, what's your name arh?"
"Hey Boy, your aunty Grace has been singing a lot lately in the shower, is there anything wrong with her arh?"

Friends too start appearing out of the woodwork. Usually they have questions that they are embarrassed to ask their own doctors (or some are too cheapskate to see their own GP).

Friend (in a very soft voice, not letting his GF hear): "Hey doc, I got something personal to ask you... That day arh, I was with this damn chio gal leh. But when the time came arh, I cannot marikita leh. Is there something wrong with me arh?"
Me: "That is called Guilt, my friend"
Friend: "Orr.. So will viagra work arh?"
Me: "....."

Lian Friend: "Oi dog, that day hor, this guy picked me up leh. And we do it this style and that style leh. And he shoot inside me leh. Will I get pregnant arh???"
Me: "Argh!!! Too much details!!!

Beng Friend: " Loctor arh, that day I went for massage leh. Then I also ordered extra leh. Sibei shoik leh. She never use protection leh. but now arh, my little brother very itchy leh. Also got many bubbles on the skin leh. Help me to see whether is it that kind of VD arh... Take a look lar"
Me: "Err, you can finish up the shark's fin soup liao. You have already dipped your spoon in it"

So a doctor's work is never finished. He is on 24/7.

Dear Nemesis

Dear Nemesis,

Medicine is an unqiue experience. It is definitely more than just a job because we are here to help and care for the sick and you don't do that just during office hours.

When you become a doctor, you are a doctor every second of your life. Your relatives and friends might call you up in the middle of the night for help. If you see someone collapse while you are shopping you WILL jump on him and start CPR.

That is the beauty of medicine. The satisfaction is not from the money(which i reiterate again that there is none), not from the compliments of your patients (sometimes it is just blind idolization) and definitely not from the prestige (now doctors are much hated people).

It is simply that we can fulfill these responsibilities: to cure sometimes, to relieve often, to comfort always.

Your soon-to-be Colleague

Your Enquiries

I was just going through all the comments made and discovered that my replies were rather haphazard! Maybe this was because I was attempting to read the comments in between seeing patients I did all this blogging after work and I was already quite tired. Here are some questions I missed:

Acey Deucey asked:
"How to tell the rank (of doctors) arh? I mean, is it written anywhere on your 'uniform' you are a HO, MO, etc.?"

We don't have ranks sewn on our shirts. Brother, I have to buy these shirts myself and over my dead body would I allow them to sew ranks on my Polo Ralph!
You can easily tell the ranks by observing the behaviours of the doctors. The HO is the one running around aimlessly. The MO is the one who is running after the HO who is running around aimlessly. The Reg is the one shouting at the MO who is running after the HO who is running around aimlessly. The Consultant is the one standing like Stamford Raffles (the statue lah). An easier but less accurate way is to look at the severity of balding.
Actually if you look carefully, in certain hospitals the specialist wears black name tag. Thus black tag is a status symbol in the hospital.

Rune asked:
"Oh and by the way Doc,
Since i have linked you, can i get an MC?"

No! you definitely cannot!

Annonymous asked:"My good doctor, what's your take on the drug Modafinil?"
What the hell is that????

The Angry Little Girl commented:
"Actually, i'm also quite surprise to know that u have time to blog almost every day! Good time management eh?"

Of course good time management! I only blog after work and I sleep only one hour per day. I keep myself alert by taking Modafinil!!!

Annonymous asked (again):
"Are u a real doctor? coz i need access to hospitals to take photos for my photography project and can't seem to get permission..... wondering if you could help.... if possible pls email me at mellifluous@melicacy.com thanks."
Thanks for not reading my profile and disclaimer. Even if I am a real doctor, can't get you into the wards because we need to protect patient's confidentiality. (actually its because we are conducting secret human experiments!) Yes, i know your project will be graded and your mummy won't be too happy if you din get a distinction. Next time do a project on prison or something.

Sanz wondered:
I'm pretty amazed how u can write so many entries in such a short period of time, esp. if u re a doc. U sure?

Again, thanks for not reading my disclaimer which clearly states that I am a deluded son of a blogger and I think I am a real doc. Then again, it also states that most of the things here are totally fictional. Hmm... So am I a real doc or is it a figment of my imagination. Don't think too hard or you might get sleepless nights and might have to come see me. The answer to the other question, I can write so many entries in such a short time because I have an army of monkeys typing furiously at the computer. Sooner or later, one of the million monkeys will produce a blog entry.

Zhe Bin asked:
"Where can we find you when we need an MC?"
No! No! No MCs for all of you!!!! :P

The Last Dance

Let's do the last dance in style and with dignity




I remember fondly of this patient who was admitted to the subsudised ward that I was covering. She was a peaceful looking old lady. While all the old ladies in the ward often scream and shout of pain and giddiness, there she was, so quiet and serene. She was post stroke and not only was she not able to verbalise, she was unable to move all 4 limbs.

The first time she was admitted, we were pretty amused at how much she looked like Popeye. She had this little tube inserted by her family into her left nostril. Her nose was pretty flat and had sort of collapsed and her family was worried that she could not breath properly. With her small little eyes and the tube sticking out like a pipe, the resemblance was uncanny. We meant no disrespect giving her this nickname. Humour is just one of our defences against the cruelty of life.... and death.

On top of the stroke, she also had generalised eczema. Her skin became thin and papery, a light rub and it broke and bleed. It was literally crispy! Her skin condition was so bad, she started developing sores on her buttocks. The sores got infected and we treated her with strong intravenous antibiotics. Everyday, it was a struggle to find a vein to insert the needle. Sometimes we had to poke her 4-5 times before we can get an IV access. All this time, she was quiet.

As the doctors were worried that her family were unable to give her proper care, she needed to be turned every 2 hours and her sores need to be cleaned and dressed twice a day, she was discharged to a nursing home.

Few weeks down the road, Popeye a.k.a. Crispy was again admitted, her sores were now so deep and extensive, you could see the gluteal muscles underneath. Again the sores were infected and we had to give her strong antibiotics. Each day we had to look for that elusive vein where we can insert the needle. Soon she had blue blacks all over her limbs. All this time, she was quiet.

We asked the family how far they would like us to go, how far they wanted us to go to save her life, how far they wanted us to save her life so that she can suffer some more. It took them many more admissions to decide. All this time her sores grew deeper and bigger. Finally it hit them that all we were doing was causing her more pain, to extend her suffering. Her family decided that treatment should be withdrawn. Few days later Popeye a.k.a Crispy passed away. She looked so peaceful and serene. Unlike all the other patients, she never complained about pain and giddiness. She was quiet.

Until Months Later

When we first become doctors, we have to declare whether we are objectors. This has certain implications. If we choose to be objectors, we say that we are against abortions and we would not do anything to “facilitate” the process.

When a woman who is more than 14 weeks’ pregnant, and she decides that she cannot or does not want the baby, she will need to undergo MTTP (Mid-Trimester Termination of Pregnancy). Prostaglandin tablets would be inserted into the vagina to the cervical region (cervix… not the head and neck region!). Basically, the purpose is to “induce” labour and wait for the woman to have a “miscarriage”. The woman would suffer contraction pains and eventually, the foetus would be “aborted” through the vagina. Just like giving birth.

At 14 weeks plus, the foetus looks like a small baby. I am an objector. I did not participate in the insertion of the prostaglandin tablets. But when the baby got aborted, my job would require me to take photos of the abortus, to fill in some forms etc. There were times that I had to take samples from the abortus. I had to use a pair of scissors or scalpel to remove part of the body. And there were times that the abortus was still moving.

The tiny chest wall moved up and down. Those lungs were never meant to breathe air until months later. The skin was never meant to be exposed to room temperature until months later. The foetus was supposed to live in darkness until months later. Instead of being swaddled in a nice cuddly blanket and placed in a cot, this foetus was lying on a “green surgical cloth” placed in a kidney dish. Instead of happy parents taking pictures of the newborn, welcoming him/her into the world, this foetus had a complete stranger taking pictures of him/her to be filed in some folder somewhere.

Very soon, the foetus’ movement would stop. It was expected to stop. But those moments seemed like eternity. Oddly enough, I was never paged to do something else during those moments, no matter how busy the call was before and after. It was awkward, being in the cold treatment room with the dying/dead foetus. The foetus could make no sound. But I would like to think that if the laws of the universe & of physics could change, I would hear weeping.

Technorati Tag: singapore doctor medicine blog abortion MTTP

The Seventh Month

Isn't that the innocent looking boy running down the ward..... wait didn't he ddiii............. yesterda...........
Please be inform that you might be severely spooked if you read on. Do not do so if you are alone and if you work in any of the hospitals mentioned below!



Are doctors superstitious people. We shouldn't be, afterall we are practioners of modern science and firm believers of evidence based facts. But in reality, many doctors believe in the supernatural even if only quietly. This is perharps due to the fact that we understand that the locus of control is not within our hands. Live or Die, god knows who decide......

The Hungry Ghost Festival is a time where hints of such superstitions are dropped. For example, the surgeon might block his list and go for holiday. As the Chinese are a group of pangtang (superstitious) people, majority of patients will not choose this month to do elective (non-emergency) surgery. They are afraid that some spirit maybe lurking in the operating theater to cause the surgery to be a failure so that they can take over the body. While the OT might be sterile, one wonders if the strong disinfectant can clean all that is invisible to the naked eyes....... it is better to be safe than sorry.

Working in the hospitals, doctors are often the first to see a person leave this earthly world. He is after all the person to pronounce death. Eerily, death has a strange smell or rather a lack of it. Even in the coolest night or in the coldest room, you can immediately smell a dead body. It is not that the body has started decomposing...... but the lack of a humanly living ordour. Those who watched Spirited Away would remember the ghosts being able to smell living humans...... there might just be some truth in that!

As the hospital is the starting point for those leaving, it is considered a dirty place:

Alexandra Hospital
Some of my colleagues say Alexandra Hospital is the scariest because it is a pre war hospital and was the scene of many violent deaths during the war. Some colleagues think that there may still be some unclean stuff there. Some have told stories that the old SAF ward had a tap that will turn on by itself. Some have said that they have heard sounds of marching boots along the corridor in the dead of the night. Never walk down the spiral staircase alone at night, you might just see a a japanese soldier with entrails hanging out.

National University Hospital
This hospital is a relatively new building. However, its design is what makes it spooky. The hospital has a new wing which is connected to the old by a lonely walk way beneath a hill slope. The top of the hill leads to Kent Ridge Park. At night the lights are dim and the rustling sound of the trees are all you hear. There have been stories of people staying at KE hall on the top of the hill hearing the cries of a woman down this slope.
Pray hard that you do not get paged to see patients in the new wing during the night. If so begins the long and lonely walk down the dark alley way. One's mind will start to wander and before you even reach the middle of the path, you start to wonder if you are really walking alone.

KK Hospital
I was posted there around the same time that they were showing The Eye 2. For those who have not seen the show, it is acted by Shuqi about a pregnant lady who start seeing spirits when she was pregnant. She realised that there is a spirit beside every pregnant lady, waiting for the chance to be reincarnated into the body of the baby. Now KK is full of pregnant women. Everytime I am on call and have to walk into the Obstetric ward, I would start thinking of the show and half expect to see someone standing beside the bed. Worse of all there was the scene where a spirit was crawling out of the wall of the elevator. I had to keep looking over my shoulders for the next 2 months when I was in the lift.

Singapore General Hospital
Again for some reasons (prolly just to save electricity), there is no light at the alley from the on call rooms to some of the blocks passing through the staff canteen. The only light source is the refrigerator where soft drinks are kept. So you run towards the light as fast as you can and then run towards your call room quickly..... just to rest in your bed before you get paged again.......

Tan Tock Seng Hospital
The source of many a ghost story before it was renovated. Things have improved tremedously since then BUT there remains a fever ward where patients are isolated belonging to old TTSH. This wing is a fair distance from the hospital and despite the fact that the MO covering this ward has the lightest duty, many chooses to cover much busier wards. Is it because of the long walk from the main building across two isolated and quiet roads or is it because most have experienced something un-natural that they refuse such an easy duty?

Special Mention: Old School of Military Medicine Ulu Pandang Camp
This is not a hospital but many male doctors would have stories to share if they had done their time during NS in this camp. The atmosphere here is so high strung during the Hungry Ghost Festival that you see joss sticks and burnt incense littered by the road. It is said that at one time, prowling included climbing up to the 4th floor of the teaching block. Many medical officer course cadets and medics complained of seeing flying chairs and tables. That section of the prowling was eventually removed.
Not many can forget the eerie feeling or the strange Frangipani smell near the pre war pump house, or the strange banging sound from the inside of a empty basement bunk......
You see, Ulu Pandang camp was the site of mass massacre during WWII.

Technorati Tag: singapore doctor medicine blog hungry ghost festival

Heng Suay...

In every job, there are taboos that have to be observed. One can tempt fate by ignoring these practices that have been followed over many years.
In our medical profession, a few of these taboos have been passed down many generations of doctors by word of mouth. Personally I have not the courage to go against the teachings of our ancestors after hearing horror stories of those that dared to disobey. Their fates are not pretty.

Taboo 1

Never say you had a good call until you have safely reached home. This is because by Murphy's law, anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Even if your call ends in 3 mins, a lot of things can go wrong. There could be a last minute admission. There could be a collapse in the ward. These incidents can take you 30 mins to 2 hrs to settle. So for that final few minutes. Just keep your mouth shut. The difference can mean whether you can go to the canteen for a plate of char mee before the day starts or having to go hungry.

HO: wah damn good call man, sleep until shiok shiok, 3 minutes to 8 o'clock.
Nurse: Doc doc, bed 10 collapse ar!!!

HO: haha, now pass 8 o'clock liao..... damn good call man, sleep until shiooook shiooook
Reg: Call very good right? So today no post call. Me and the MO gotta go OT, you cover the ward.
HO: ...... :(
You see, sometimes suay-ness can be man made.

Taboo 2

As with all things to do with luck, personal hygiene is very important. The Chinese believe that bathing will rid us of bad luck. The poor HO has to slog through the day and barely make it to dinner before the call starts. Bathing is the last thing on the mind of the HO. Maybe hospitals should start putting satchets of "7 flowers" in the room of the on-call team so that all of them can bathe in them and wash off the bad luck.

Reg: Wah lau, before midnight already 30 admission, bad luck man! HO!! You never bath is it!!!!
HO: ....... :(

Taboo 3

As with taboo 2, you must always change your underwear before the call starts. Same principle but even more potent than not bathing. If you know your luck is down and out, wearing red undies is not such an absurd idea either!!

Reg: Wah lau, sibei suay, just now 30 cases, now 4 collapses and 3 deaths. HO!!!! You never change underwear isit!!!!!!
HO: ...... :(

Taboo 4 (The mother of all Taboo)

You might not have time to bath, you might not have time to change underwear, you might have the slip of the mouth and say that your call is good. BUT never never ever eat any form of Pau, be it char siew pau, tau sar pau, kong bak pau. This is because the word pau also means pau ke liao (Hokkien for taking care of everything). Woe betides the HO that ate pau before his call. Rumours has it that he ended up with 40+ cases of admission that night.
Some say it also means bao as in covering up. This is super bad luck coz in the hospital, only when someone dies do you cover them up. If you are not asking for more collapses, avoid bao at all cost!

Consultant (from team 2): Ok team 1 on call today!!! Lets go for dim sum breakfast and BAO them! Bwahaahahaahaha!
HO: :)

Better to believe than to disbelieve.

Boh Liao National Day Part Deux

After finishing my primary objective of book shopping, I decided to just pop into the John Little's Warehouse sales to get some cheapo shirts and pants. For those young boys and girls, don't be fooled, medicine is not your glamarous profession like protrayed on TV. Often we get all kinds of stains on our cloths like blood, urine and yes even faeces. So wear your Rough Lawlan at your own risk. Anyway if wear until too branded people will say doctors suck blood from sick people's money again. arrrgggghhhh......

Having spent too much money already this month, Dr BL Og will now go on the Og's diet. You are not required to read a thick book or go through many hours of training to do the Og's diet. It is actually just a very simple concept or philosophy(if you will allow me that). To do the Og's diet, you shall NOT spent more than SIN$3 on each meal. Given the exponential way cost of living (& GST) is rising, you will eat less each day. You will not be able to afford kopi peng and instead have to go for the office water cooler. Hence you will have less calories each day and become a tek ko in no time. Feel free to try!!!

Og's Diet TM ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
IF YOU WISH TO PUBLISH OR ENQUIRE ABOUT THIS EFFECTIVE AND REVOLUTIONARY SLIMMING TECHNIQUE, PLEASE WRITE TO THE AUTHOR OF THIS BLOG.

Boh Liao National Day

With no work today, I made my way to the Expo for the book sales. I had bought some book shelves from the IKEA sales and its seemed like I overestimated the number of medical books I had. Hahaha, most were "photostapped" and I threw them away to respect copyright.

It wasn't really crowded but as it is National Day, Singaporeans decided to celebrate by continuing with their usual kiasu ways. Every now and then there will be these aunties who squeezed next to me and starts fumbling the books I just looked through..... bloody irritating!

Before I knew it, I was at the health section. (what the heck you doing??? can't you take a proper break???) And I picked up this bright yellow book.... Prostate Cancer for Dummies. Wah lau, people get cancer liao still call them dummies. I'll be a real dummy if I ever bought this book. Otherwise there was nothing really interesting, Atkins for Life, Homeopathy to Cure Everything Under the Sun, Tai chi chi King..... Had i wondered off to the Fiction section??? My god no wonder I have patients thinking that by just living on carbo alone, his body will heal himself and he can attain the way of the tao to meet tai chi Zhang San Fong!

The rest of the book sales was filled with unwanted book from unknown authors. Some really left me wondering what their mental state were when they wrote these books.....like the saying goes 作戲人 siao, 看戲人 gong. Here it is 寫書人 siao, 讀書人 gong, publisher siao and also gong.

My main aim was to buy some cheapo hardcover books with nice covers (told you its all just for decoration). I came across this one called Diagnosis. Nice little black cover, hehe looks cool on my shelf. The strange thing is that the one with missing skin is going for $8 but the one with the skin intact was only $7. DOH!