Doc...Kao Ying Buey? (Are you married?)

I have been asked this question on how to tell if your doctor is married.

1. Ask

a. The doctor himself/herself
DR: Hello. (Looks at clerking card) Miss Tan right? What brings you to the clinic today?
Miss Tan: Doctor… are you married?

DR: Hello Mr Tan. You look so tired today. What happened?
Mr Tan: Doctor… how many children do you have?

b. Other doctors
DR: Hello Miss Tan. How are you feeling today?
Miss Tan: Hi… do you know if Dr. Ong from Ward 45 is married?

c. The ugly, old clinic assistant (UOCA)
Miss Tan: Eh…ask you hor… your Dr. Ong… is he married?
UOCA: (without even looking up) Yes. To me.

d. Other patients
(In waiting area)
Miss Tan: Hmm.. just wondering if our Dr. Ong is married.
Miss Ang, Miss Lim, Miss Tay, Miss Chen, Miss Lee: (in unison) That’s what we want to know too!

e. The internet
You can always google. You may be surprised at what you might find. E.g. Using google to check for this doctor called Dr. BL Og will link you to his blog. However, you will still be unsure whether he is married or not.

2. Check for pictures

- Look out for photo frames on his desk, his wall. For many married doctors, apart from their degrees, they usually frame up some family pictures on the wall, the desk etc.
- Use the photos to ask more questions.

- Check his wallet! Creep silently like a ninja behind him when he is paying for food in the canteen. Then it will be revealed that...

- If little girl, likely his daughter or he is a pedophile.
- If sweet young thing, likely his girlfriend is still a university student (HEH!) or he still has not grown out of a certain phase in life yet
- If mature, gorgeous babe, likely his girlfriend/wife/mistress
- If more mature, slightly plump lady, likely his wife. Well, it may be his mother. But you sure you want to be with a guy who keeps his mother's picture in the wallet? If keep family picture I still can understand...
- If his own photo, he is likely to be narcissistic and won't be interested in you. Maybe if you are his twin brother. But then again that is another story for another day
- If little boy, likely his son or he is a homosexual pedophile
- If sweet young male thing/hunk/elderly man, he is likely gay. And you won't stand a chance. Unless you think you can convert him.
- If picture of a sheep/goat....... well......

3. Check the clinic room to look for circumstantial evidence
E.g. Are there any lunch boxes lying around? If there are, it may mean a few things.Examples
“…hey, I am happily married and this lunchbox is the evidence of my wife’s love and devotion to me…”

“…hey, I am married and my wife is controlling my finances. No choice but have to eat from lunch boxes...”

“…hey, I am not married but I have this love-hate relationship with my mother. She prepares lunch for me to symbolise her control over me…”

“…hey, I am not married and I am too stingy to go out for lunch…”

You may not want to know him better. Period.4. Check his fingers
- Are there rings there?- Well, many surgeons I know don’t wear their wedding bands because it is rather troublesome to have to take off/put on in the OT. For operations I mean. Not for er….other things like what they may do on Sunday Morning. So it may be a bit harder if you intend to chase a surgeon. But then again, why do you want to be with a surgeon? =P- Some of them wear the rings on their necklaces. Can check the neck as well. Can also check for love bites at the same time.

5. Stalk your doctor
- Highly effective but also highly illegal.

The above methods can all be tried, apart from number 5. Unless you want to be arrested and get sent to a mental hospital for evaluation. Unless your target is a psychatrist.