Headlines!

Man stands for rights of Mozzies
By CB Chow
Oct 2, 2005
The Longkang Times, National Paper of Monkey Republic

Mr Gan Boh Liao, 40, a Chinese immigrant, lodged a complaint with SPCA (State Prevention of Cruelty Against Animals) today for what he described as "genocide" and "extreme cruelty" against the Aedes mosquitoes.

When interviewed by reporters at the gate of SPCA, Mr Gan was visibly angry. He was pulling his hair.

"SPCA suppose to protect animal correct or not? But they now blur blur dunno what to do, say must think first. We are not talking about racism you know! This is beyond that, this is the massacre of an entire species!" He said, gesticulating his hands wildly.

Mr Gan has been an advocate for minority rights since the early nineties. These included fighting for the rights of neonates (infants below 1 month old) to have breast feeding and his famous hunger strike not to have the National Parks trim trees along roadside against their wishes. Thus far, his efforts had not been successful. He was prompted to act again with the recent increase fumigation and campaign against dengue fever by the authorities.

"They make the mosquitoes out to be this evil thing. This is nothing but pure evil prejudice!" He exclaimed. Mr Gan said he will go on a hunger strike again if his calls for all actions towards Aedes mosquitoes to be stopped is not met.

The Longkang Times spoke to Dr BL Og, a fugitive blogger cum fake doctor who hails from a land infested with Aedes. He believes that fumigation will not be effective as "my readers told me it just chases the mosquitoes from Toa Payoh to Ang Mo Kio" and that portrayal of mosquitoes as evil is indeed unfair "but I am more for the lizards."

In the mean time the director of SPCA commented that they will be holding a special EGM to deliberate if mosquitoes can indeed be considered animals. "We know that they are insects, but animals..... we are not so sure. If not, the SPCA will technically not be able to intervene."

In reaction to this, Mr Gan replied: "See! This is another example of how we discriminate against mosquitoes! Of course they are animals what!" As to the question about how dengue fever has been responsible for the increasing death toll, Mr Gan said, " In the first place the humans were the ones who breed them in their gardens and construction sites. Like that should not fog the mosquitoes but FLOG the humans!"