A Long Time Ago, in a hospital far, far away...Part One

I went to this country as part of an exchange program a long time ago…

Some of the things that impressed upon me was

1. How old the hospital was and they are still using it
2. How many patients they manage to cramp into the ward
3. How patients require a family member to go to a nearby pharmacy to buy the drugs the doctors ordered in the morning. The only thing the hospital could dispense was some vitamin. If the patient had no family members to go buy for him, well…. the doctor can order the drug, but the patient will never get it
4. How nurses cook lunch for the staff in the ward. Lunchtime was spent in the hospital pantry eating some noodle-like thing a nurse cooked.
5. How I saw the biggest/longest “male member” in a man who came (forgive the pun) for an elective hernia operation. Must be using a lot of effort holding the weight up, but that is another story for another day
6. How a guy with a knife in his back came into the A&E
7. How the grand ward round/teaching round was conducted…

(I am going to use the local, equivalent term to describe what happened)
Medical students
- Follows the round
- Examine patients
- Copying the pearls of wisdom that comes from the mouth of the consultant/senior consultant/professor
- * Asking foreigners like me how my Monkey Republic is. More preoccupied with passing exams rather than whether Monkey Republic is a good place to work.
House Officer
- Follows the round
- Take notes
- Sometimes carrying drinks e.g. tea or coffee for the consultants. NOT packet drinks. They actually hold a tray with tea and coffee on it!
- *Asks foreigners like me what the pay is like and whether he can come work in Monkey Republic.
o I was trying to be as discouraging as possible in a subtle way because he did not look very stable, as though he was high on drugs. I have seen drug addicts who look/are clearer headed that this guy was.
Medical Officer/Registrar
- Follows the round
- Sometimes help the houseman take notes
- Sometimes use a fan (the manual, paper one, not an electric fan!) to cool the consultant/professor
- Sometimes carry drinks e.g. tea or coffee for the senior consultants/professors
- *Asks about Monkey Republic. I think they too want to apply for some position in good ol’ Monkey Republic. Probably they are unaware that when they come here, many end up as medical officers and will need to do many night calls.
Consultant
- Follows the round
- Occasionally drops pearls of wisdom from the mouth
- Engages in friendly talk with foreigners like myself
- Sometimes examine the patient
- *Asks about Monkey Republic. I think they too want to apply for some position in good ol’ Monkey Republic. Probably they are unaware that when they come here, many end up as registrars and will need to do calls.

Senior Consultant/Professors
- Would be the one who get served drinks and fanning the most
- Occasionally drops pearls of wisdom from the mouth
- Rarely examines the patient
- Engages in friendly talk with foreigners like myself
- Asks about Monkey Republic. I think they have accepted the fact that they are not going to come to Monkey Republic. Treated as “national talent”, placed as the head of their department… don’t really need to come to Monkey Republic. Cannot even if they wanted to. Probably want to send their kids to Monkey Republic though.
Nurses
- Actually see them leading the round
- Fans, serves drinks, dry the perspiration off the faces of the senior consultants/professors
- Certainly, the higher the rank, the nearer she gets to the senior consultant/professors
Some of the consultants are brilliant doctors. They also have impeccable bedside manners. Patients love and respect them. Rare in developed countries nowadays. Both the doctors and the patients. They are brilliant teachers too. In fact, many of them possess clinical acumens that you don’t see very much of these days. They don’t have CT scan machines readily available. No MRI machines. No fanciful equipments. It’s really look, listen, feel, move…