Some really heavy stuff.....

Ever so often as a kiasu student, we buy the thickest and most comprehensive book out there. After paying hundreds of dollars we realize, !Shit! cannot finish studying, so we settle for the smaller "Mama" versions. And then you find out in horror you can't remember EVERYTHING in the "Mamas" and its too heavy to read in the toilet.

Finally, you end up buying those little handbooks....the "Babies" hoping that there is enough information in it to help you pass. (If you haven't figured it out, the big ones are called "Papas". NO! NOT Daddies! That sounds really kinky!)

Here are some of those Daddies "Papas" that I can never (ever) finish reading:


Harrison's Principles of Internal MedicineDimensions: 11.1 x 8.8 x 3.1 inches
Weight: 8.9 pounds
2629 pages!!! I never even bought this book coz it was too big to carry home in a bus! (Poor medical student was I.....)


Bailey & Love's Short Practice of SurgeryDimensions: 11.0 x 9.0 x 2.8 inches
Weight: 10.2 pounds
1348 pages!!!! (and its a short practice???.... DOH!)


Robbins Pathologic Basis of DiseaseDimensions: 11.3 x 8.7 x 2.4 inches
Weight: 7.5 pounds
1552 pages of really boring stuff that will cure any insomniacs! (Queen take note!)


Ridley's Believe It or Not Trivia MCQ,
Which of the following is true?

1) One of these books was used as a murder weapon in a homicide. (Yes they are that heavy!)

2) A medical student once had to rip off a page from one of these textbooks because he tua lao sai and there were no toilet paper in the cubicle. (high quality paper ok!)

3) A student used one of these books as a pillow the night before exams and miraculously remembered every single word from the book the next day. (He still failed as he slept on Robbins but was going for his Surgical paper!)

4) If you drop all 3 books from the tower of Pisa at the same time, they will just land on your feet and fracture your toes. (Not asking you to throw killer litter lah, bodoh!)

5) Some medical students have actually read all 3 books cover to cover!

Once in a while, your seniors will be telling you that you must get the thickest and most powderful book in the universe. Don't believe them. They are evil salesman trying to sell you their unwanted textbooks.

I've also been told that "you are only as good a doctor as the book you read." I totally agree...... just that what is the likelihood that you are going to read a 2000-page textbk that is so heavy it causes muscle cramps worse than rifle-over-head???!!!

No Pride, Just Prejudice

I don’t know if you have this experience but when you tell people that you are a doctor, unconsciously their eyes become wide open. In different scenarios this can mean different things.

1) During a date with a pretty girl:
Don’t ask me how you landed yourself in a hot date without telling her you are a doctor in the first place. Assuming that you went for blind date courtesy of SDU and you were fortunate enough not to be on call, your date was probably thinking, “Wah loctor! Good catch wor!”

2) During a meet-the-parents session:
Again assuming that you had a good posting and had time to actually go pak tor (in Kent Ridge Park), things went your way (or actually her way) and you got to meet her parents. You tell your mother-in-law to be that you are a doctor and she must be thinking, “Way to go ah girl! You made it liao!” At least you would be treated better than Gaylord M. Focker in my favourite movie, Meet the Parents.

3) During your wedding dinner:
Your head of department was manic and granted you marriage leave. You had no other valid reasons to siam and there you were in your tuxedo Her relatives find out that you are a doctor and they would be cursing under their breaths, “I know I give less ang bao!”

4) When you see a financial planner:
Your mother-in-law’s cousin’s son happened to have just graduated as a financial planner. You had no choice but to entertain him or face terrible backlash. Amidst all the financial jargons he was dishing out to confuse you, you swore you saw those dollar signs flashing in his eyes when he found out you are a doctor. “Commission lai liao!”

5) You went to the wet market to buy fish (DHA good for baby mah) because your wife was too gravid to do so:
You told the fishmonger casually you were a doctor and he recommended some special kelong fish for you at a very special price. Just that there are no kelongs in Singapore anymore and you found out later the price was indeed quite special.

Actually doctors are just like everyone else except that we work long hours, can probably hold our bladder longer (but we do get renal calculi), can remain calm and composed in the face of verbal abuse (sometimes by patients, mostly by our professors) and we call all this professionalism.

Orchid

Mr Tan sat on his sofa. His left hand gently stroking the worn-out fabric. He looked to his right, to the empty seat beside him. He tried to smile. Just three weeks ago, his wife was sitting there, watching their favourite Teochew Opera on television. He remembered reminiscing with his wife about how they watched the same story when they were dating. During those days, he would hold her hand during the opera. Her small white handkerchief with tiny flowers sequinned at one corner covered their hands. They did not want any relatives to see this public display of affection, which at their time, was still frowned upon.

Tears started to well up inside his eyes and slowly rolled down the side of his wrinkled face. He remembered his wife smiling at him when he tried to sing some of the lines from the opera. He remembered choking and coughing during one of the higher notes, and his wife had to alternate between patting and stroking his back. He thought he could still feel his wife’s hand between his shoulder blades.

Mr Tan looked away from the empty seat. Through his eyes, which were blurred with tears, Mr Tan saw his wife everywhere. He saw her standing at the stove, scooping out a bowl of hot porridge for him. He used to love porridge with sweet potato. Even though this was a simple dish, he loved it. Especially the way she prepared it. He saw her sitting beside the window, in her favourite chair, patching up some holes in his trousers. Her glasses that she only wore during her sewing work were still there on top of the cabinet. He still cleaned the glasses for her each day since three weeks ago. He saw her standing outside the flat, watering the potted plants. He saw her proudly telling him how the orchids had bloomed.

Mr Tan felt lost. Ever since the day he saw her leaving the home on a trolley accompanied by paramedics, he felt lost. As he sat in the ambulance looking at the wife gasping, her face covered by a oxygen mask, he felt lost. As he saw doctors and nurses pulling the curtain around the wife’s bed, he felt lost.

Sitting on the sofa, Mr Tan thought he heard the wife call his name. The seat beside him was still empty. He suddenly felt a sense of calmness and serenity. Drying the tears from his face with a shirtsleeve, he closed his eyes and laid his head back onto the sofa. He would see her soon.

This is dedicated to you. You know who you are.

You can't win......

One serious problem I have is that this site is undisclaimerable. You guys ever pay attention to my disclaimers or not???

Being the suspicious and paranoid person that I am, Dr Og goes around peeking at sites that link me. Most of sites gave really positive reviews so much so it brings tears to my eyes (no lah, just exaggerating as usual). But there are inaccuracies that can kill man!

Someone commented that I am "from SGH" and that my accounts are "authentic". Then got someone link me as "Dr ONG" (its Dr Og can?). Worse of all, a medical student called me "infamous".

Can you imagine? A witch hunt for Dr Ong from SGH infamous for blogging authentic accounts of patients. Wah die man! Sorry ah, all the Dr Ongs out there.

To further prove the point that disclaimers fall to blind eyes, people have been sending me comments to correct grammar, spellings and stuff. I know my england really cannot make it. But then again, I'm not an English teacher. Cut me some slack can or not?

Last thing. Of course we are (very)happy and most flattered that people read our posts. But the boundaries are now clear. So we chose to stay within the boundaries. Why? Becoz people don't read disclaimers and will assume that the posts are authentic and then go after the ass of some innocent Dr Ong.

So boh bian loh. No more posts related to work. This site has contracted a terminal illness. Let it die peacefully. Can?

小明的日记簿 Episode 2:

小明的日记簿 is an epic novel which depicts the ridiculous life of a medical student. The characters of this epic novel are fictional. Any similarities with person(s) dead or alive is purely due to your own imagination.

Mao Mao as he is affectionately known by his family was borned hairy. His mother suspected that all his body hair probably made up a substantial amount of his birth weight, a hefty 3.7kg, a big baby for those times. A strange phenomenon was to render Mao Mao hairless as he grew. He will later learn in medical school that the condition is called androgenetic alopecia or simply male pattern balding to the lay person.

At this point of time, Mao Mao was a young 19 year old and this dreaded condition had yet to afflict him. His crowning glory was still very much intact and gave him much needed confidence to chase girls. The same cannot be said of his new found friend from medicine.

Actually Mao Mao had not really decided if he considered Meng Kee his friend. As Meng Kee was just one name down the roster, Mao Mao ended up in the same group as him for almost everything.

Meng Kee was the typical on the wrong ball kind of person. At least as far as Mao Mao was concerned.

"Isn't it great?!!! Mao! We are in medicine! We are going to be doctors! I'm so excited"

On the contrary, Mao Mao had wished he did not go for the interview. After big mouth Aunty Lily told the whole clan he was accepted, his lao pek had brought him before the ancestral altar and made him swear he would go through the 5 year course. He suspected his father had connections with secret society, now he confirmed he is right.

"So you read any books yet? I finish reading Ganung liao. Damn cheem!" Meng Kee went on. Mao Mao had no idea what Ganung was.

"And you got your locker liao?" The good thing about Meng Kee was that he did looked out for Mao Mao.

"But the orientation also not over yet....." Mao Mao replied.

"You don't know lah, all the lockers near our lecture hall all taken liao, better go and get one quick!"

Indeed, Mao Mao went to the estate office and was allocated a locker far far away. He searched high and low before finally finding his locker at one far corner in the Science faculty. The locker was terribly rusted and there was a lock.

"Basket! Which turtle senior never remove his lock." He was already frustrated from getting such a lousy location. He went back to the estate office and a young punk was sent to bust the lock.

Mao Mao removed the busted lock and opened the locker. The interior was moist and algae was growing.

"Wah lau this type of locker, kennah sai." He was not going to use it.

Something else caught his eyes. There was a book inside. He took it out and flipped to the first page:

“这是小明的日记簿。生人勿进！”

Over the Rainbow

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true

Some day I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemondrops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

So who's the rainbow in your life?
Do you have one?

===================
I saw her again today.
I thought she glanced at me and smile.
I smiled back.
I hope she saw.

The Boogie Man

Have you ever dreamt that,
you were chased
by a boogie man.

And you were running,
and running
and running

Down the staircase
which seemed
to be never-
ending

But if you had
stopped to take
a peek,
you would see

the same eyes,
the same ears,
the same nose,
the same mouth,

The same face.
The boogie man was you.

Rained!

Yesterday afternoon, I was travelling on the ECP. Wah lau, it was raining like mad.

Visibility was almost zero. First time I see so many cars flash their hazard lights.

On Benjamin Sheares Bridge I coudn't even see our skyscapers. OMG! Its like the end of the world!

Ok lah, its just silly monsoon rain. DOH!

小明的日记簿 Episode 1:

小明的日记簿 is an epic novel which will depict the life of a medical student. The characters of this epic novel are fictional. Any similarities with person(s) dead or alive is purely due to your own imagination.

Mao Mao as he was affectionately known by his family because he was hairy, successfully made it to medical school. He was the pride and joy of not only his family but his entire clan. His clan had never produced any doctors of any kind and if you traced his family history far enough, they originated from apes. Ok ok, no need that far...... they originated from southern China and were farmers.

Mao Mao's father was a hawker. He sold vegetables at the wet market just downstairs. Mao Mao used to follow his father around. At the age of 3, he could strike a decent bargain with those curly haired - tatooed eyebrow - aunties that frequented his father's store. He was formidable. A genius in the realms of selling veges.

Strangely, Mao Mao did well in his studies. While running around the market playing catching with his mates, he scored 280 for his PSLE. While kicking football with his kahkis in their favourite open field everyday, he scored 9 distinctions in 'O' levels. He decided to "take it easy, 漫漫来" for 'A' levels. After all, he was poised to take over his father's business which had by then expanded to a mini mart.

"No point waste time score so high marks, relac jack!" He thought. He scored nevertheless.

And as the cliché would have it, Mao Mao went along with his childhood friend Ah Seng for the medicine interview to support him. You know, like how those finalist in beauty pageants will also say they were only there with their friends and got lucky. And as the author of this story will have it, Mao Mao got into medicine and his friend Ah Seng got a one way ticket to Dentistry. The fact that Ah Seng will become the millionaire owner of a chain of dental clinic in the future provides the much needed dramatic irony any story will need.

Getting back to Mao Mao, his 40 year old left-on-the-shelve paternal aunty, Aunty Lily who was staying with him was really quite kaypoh. She opened the letter from the university to Mao Mao which stated:

"Dear Mr Tan Long Mao,

You have been accepted to the faculty of medicine. Please attend the matriculation on 15th July 19.........."

Aunty Lily was breathless!

"Our Mao Mao got into medicine! Our Mao Mao a doctor!!!"

Within the hour, Mao Mao became the designated doctor for the entire clan. There was no escape.

Next episode, find out how Mao Mao finds 小明的日记簿！

Hi World!

Hi world! This is Dr BL Og, I am a voodoo shaman on the island of Monkey Republic. This is my online diary!

Here I will reveal my hobbies and interests outside my work as a shaman (thats taboo, don't ask). Occasionally I will show some funny pictures of my friends in their birthday parties (not birthday suit) taken on my latest camera phone.

Talking about camera phone, I will also blog about the latest gadgets in town. But dunno if got bad reviews they will sue me or not??? Guess I will only talk about the good things then!

I think you all will also be interested in my latest sex love life and how so and so dumped me and how I was two timing so and so. But my girlfriends are my colleagues from work...... and i cannot blog about work...... so sorry, no blogging about my love life either.

Its ok, there are still plenty of stuff to talk about like how I wash my cats or paint my nails. Hell! I got no cats and I don't paint my nails!

But surely you are interested in my PSLE score, no?

The brand of toilet paper I use leh?

THE END by Bon Jovi

So now it's over let the spot light fade
I hear the music slowly fade away
And now i find it hard to say good-bye
So i'll just say good night my friends

If every moment is a memory
A faded photograph of days gone by
Can i take a little piece of you with me
For when i leave this all behind

Come on, come on, come on, darling lay you head down...
Come on, come on, come on, little darling, help me baby,
'cause i can't see the lights...

I'm getting tired so i close my eyes
I need to look at you just one more time
And though it's over, it's never over
Until i see you againThe end (we'll be together)
The end (we'll live forever)
We'll all be together in the end
The end (although it's over)
The end (it's never over )
We'll all be together in the end

Life As Such

If we play the game, I guess we have got to play by the rules. Since the rules have been explicitly laid out, we can only kow tow and obey.

If you are interested in our hobbies and how many times each of us defecate everyday, continue to read on. Otherwise its adieu!

Heads Still Popping

Those who have been following my blog before Dr Og's demise would have remembered my head popping counter. There were 2 reasons why when I restarted the blog I did not bring the counter back:

1) The head popping situation seemed to be getting better. I suspected mebbe some of my patients read my blog and stopped sticking their heads in.

2) I had technical difficulties setting up a real counter with a button I can press each time I had a head popper. Wah lau, I everytime got to update the counter by going into my template and change manually.

But, I have decided to restart the head popping counter! Why? The heads just don't stop popping! That's why!

To add to my frustration, certain trends seem to be forming in the clinic as well.

An aunty came to see me accompanied by her granddaughter and grandson. At the end of the consultation:

Aunty: "Lokun ar, wah you got a weighing machine. I take my weight can?"
Doc: "Sure, sure go ahead."
Aunty goes to weighing machine and I write my notes.
Aunty: "Lokun come here, come here. Help me see the weight."
Doc goes help aunty read weighing machine while granddaughter and grandson sat there bochap.
Doc: "Ok aunty your weight 50kg."
Aunty: "Ah boy and ah girl come here. Take your weight, loctor help you see your weight."
All this while, busybody heads keep popping in to see why the doctor take so long.

Yes, our state has done well with health promotion and everyone is weight conscious now. But don't bother to go sell weighing machines. No one buy one, all go doctor have the expert read the scales for them.

PS: To be honest, the head counter proved that head popping activities were not that rampant. It actually helped me to feel less frustrated everytime someone pops their heads into the room asking "My turn to see?"
Wait for your number to be called...... please!

The Sound of Music

I was reading blinkymummy's blog and came to know that Jouk was reopening. (Incidentally, I love her blog....... her blog, not her.)

The last time I went to Jouk was many years ago (cannot tell you exactly or you guess my age :P). I was a 2nd year medical student and you know in those days 2nd year med student only need go for microB exam so very free (and happy).

I wasn't particularly enthusiatic about Jouk becoz we usually went on a Wednesday evening. Don't ask me why man. It was like some Mumbo Jumbo night and the queue was like bloody long. Wednesday night! After a long day of lectures and playing with scabies in the lab, go queue up to go Jouk! I suspect I went along because the classmate I fancied went. Though that memory has long been repressed in my unconcious mind.

Another reason why I didn't particularly like Jouk was because I came from an era where Canto Pop reigned supreme. Yes C-A-N-T-O! Canto! Canto! During my army daze, we would hang out with the hokkien pengs and visit karaokes. We usually drank beer and hard liquor, not cocktails with fanciful names like long island tea and tequila. When we were sufficiently drunk, we went to Canto (of course!) and shaked (I won't dare say we danced) the night away in those dui-dui-dui techno music. The fun stopped abruptly one night when I puked coffee ground stuff. The medical treatment for that is another story altogether.

But like they say, in Rome do as the Greeks do. So here I was again in another night spot with my fellow medical classmates, queueing up no less. I trust my gastric linings have sufficiently repaired themselves. When we got into Jouk, I was bloody surprised that the music actually had lyrics! Wah lau! Not the dui-dui-dui kind, but some stupid 80s retro. What the heck lah, just order drinks, down it and everything sounds the same. I decided to get the first round (must be want to impress the ger, but really cannot recall leh) and the group decided on something ribena, music very loud cannot hear. Wah lau, simi lai a?

Don't care lah, just go to the bar counter and order. I looked at the drinks menu and found what my classmates wanted. Vodka Ribena, lame. Ordered 2 jugs. They din even give us glasses. Just dump some straws into the jugs. Sibei unhygienic share saliva. Never mind pass them my H. pylori, hahaha.

I happily carried that two jug of Vodka Ribena to my classmates and they started sipping on the straws. After a while, they looked perplexed, like I spiked their drinks. One of them said, "I think there is alcohol in the drinks."

Yah mah! Vodka Ribena.

"No, we wanted Ribena."

That was the last time I went to Jouk!

Spirited Away

Some years ago I was doing my rounds when I saw this new patient admitted into the ward at bed 24. One of my senior doctors kindly asked me and my registrar to continue with the round and took the medical officer to go and clerk the case.

We were happily proceeding with the round when suddenly, a nurse came to us to ask for help, claiming that the new patient had "collapsed".

“Suay man!” I thought to myself as I briskly walked to that patient. (please see previous entry about why doctors do not always run!)

To cut the long story short, the resuscitation was a success and the patient was sent to the ICU.

A few days passed by…

I was asked to review the patient when she returned to the ward from the ICU.

I proceeded to ask her how she was feeling and she started to describe to me what happened.

She claimed she left her body that morning and was actually hovering on top of us as we were trying to “save her”.

“…must be hallucinations…” I thought to myself as I smiled at her and continued to ask some routine questions.

The patient did not answer me but actually went on to describe what she saw that day.

It felt weird that she was able to remember what we were wearing that day even though technically, she never saw me and my registrar.

What was weirder what that she told me about an envelope behind the bedside locker/cabinet addressed to a certain Mr Tan X X. (NOT XiaXue, please!) Well… there was no way she could have seen it when she came into the ward. From what I understand, she was slightly drowsy and was lying on the bed all this while.

Being the kaypoh me, I decided to go and check if the envelope was still there… slowly, I walked towards that bed she was previously at just a few days ago.

There was nothing there. (Efficient hospital cleaners!)

I walked towards the nursing counter, smiling, thinking about what that old lady said when I overheard a woman asking for an envelope addressed to Mr Tan X X who was discharged a few days ago from bed 24.

Different Strokes

The ambivalent love-hate relationship with nurses can really drive a doctor crazy. (Sometimes crazy enough to marry a nurse :P) Essentially conflict arises due to a difference in perception between the two profession. Let me illustrate with this example:

A good friend of mine from nursing was complaining to me about her doctor.

"Aiyoh that doctor, resuscitation he neber run, walk over like so cool like tat." She was upset that the doctor appeared boh chap about the whole event and went through the process emotionlessly.

"Can't you guys be more human?"

I told her of my experience:

I was called by a nurse who told me that my patient had collapsed. I walked quickly to the bed. Yes I walked because hospital floor is always slippery from urine, blood and fluids leaking from the drip. Me falling down would hardly make things better for the patient. After all, Dr Og is not Carl Lewis and I would rather spent that few nano seconds I could have gained from running going through in my head what possibly could have gone wrong with the patient. Running also makes me breatheless, (I am NOT CARL LEWIS) and that is not a great way to start a resuscitation.

When I reached the bed, I had at least gathered my thoughts and contained my anxiety. You need a doctor not so much to perform the actual resus but to control all the headless chickens banging into each other like brownian motion (not brown motion).

SN1: "Dr how ar??? How ar?"
SN2: "Dr he just stop breathing!!!! HOW!!!!"
NO: "They never teach me how to insert IV in nursing school! They never teach me how to insert IV in nursing school!"
And they continued banging into each other while trying to dunno do what.

Instruction to SN1: "You bag and mask."
Instruction to SN2: "You get the ETT ready."
Instruction to NO: "You go back to nursing school. And on your way call for more doctors to help me!"
Instruction to all: "Those on my left walk behind me and those on my right walk in front." (So that they stop banging each other.)

My friend after hearing my story was still sceptical. It is already ingrained in her that doctors are unsympathetic and can't care less. Well, I guess its that Mars and Venus thing.....

Love is like the wild rose briar

Love is like the wild rose briar,
Friendship, like the holly tree

The holly is dark when the rose briar blooms,

But which will bloom most constantly?

- Emily Bronte

Binary Confusion Part II

"If there is a part I, there will always be a part II"

One night an old man brought his even older mother for admission. I asked him,

Og: Uncle you got her previous medical records or not.
Grumpy Old Man: Yes.
Og: Can I have a look.
Grumpy Old Man: All at home.
Og: Hmmmm.... ok.... maybe you bring tomorrow. It will really help us.
Grumpy Old Man: Isn't it all in the computer???
Og: Er... this is her first admission here, it will help if I have her records from the other hospital.
Grumpy Old Man: Isn't it all connected liao? Read in the papers. Can't you just retrieve it from the computers?

NO! It is not all in the computers!

Dr Og really misses the good old days when we used to WRITE discharge summaries and prescriptions ON PAPER. Don't get me wrong, I embrace technology. Otherwise this site will not exist. But in the good old days we didn't have to endure down time, paper jams and computer records that are suppose to exist but somehow do not.

Lets face it, the first expenditure to be cut in hospitals will be the IT funding in times of economic down turn and Monkey Republic cannot sell enuff bananas. Which is the reason why til this day we are still not using optical mouse. Hell, Dr Og even have to spent some good time servicing the ball of the mouse (when I can be carrying balls somewhere else).

There will be a Part III!

Count Docula

Spotted this article in Tomorrow. jkaiser donated his blood, all 100cc of it.

This really reminds me of the time when I was a lousy HO (lousy not because I was incompetent but because I felt lousy). It was 3 pm on a Sunday afternoon and I was post call. My last job of the day was to take blood for 6 old man in this particular cubicle . And anyone who has any experience with RPG can tell you that your dexterity is ZERO on a Sunday afternoon when you are post call. So, I was missing all the veins and everyone of them I had to try again. No one shot one kill!

As I went around each bed, the ah peks assumed I don't speak dialect and broke into a conversation in Hokkien,

Ah Pek @ Bed 13: Wei, why you think they always take our blood?
Ah Pek @ Bed 12: Yah loh, everyday also take blood take blood.....
Ah Pek @ Bed 15: Mebbe they use it to do experiments lah, we guinea pigs here!
Ah Pek @ Bed 13: Wah lau....
Ah Pek @ Bed 16: I think they SELL our blood. See take so much each time.
Ah Pek @ Bed 12: Like that take, I not enough blood, sure die!!!

6 old ah peks don't make a Zhu Ge Liang...... Actually, Dr BL Og is a vampire who goes around feeding on old Ah Peks' blood with no fear of contracting HIV or Syphillis.

--------------------------------------------

Don't know why, but Asians thinks that their blood is so precious that it is worth more than gold of the same weight. You don't die from the 5-10cc of blood your doctors take. You can't even get anaemia from it! In hospital, we don't sell your blood and as far as I am concern, I have no interest to "do experiments" on your blood either!

So please, if you can, donate blood. The doctors don't need it. The patients do!

Doc...Kao Ying Buey? (Are you married?)

I have been asked this question on how to tell if your doctor is married.

1. Ask

a. The doctor himself/herself
DR: Hello. (Looks at clerking card) Miss Tan right? What brings you to the clinic today?
Miss Tan: Doctor… are you married?

DR: Hello Mr Tan. You look so tired today. What happened?
Mr Tan: Doctor… how many children do you have?

b. Other doctors
DR: Hello Miss Tan. How are you feeling today?
Miss Tan: Hi… do you know if Dr. Ong from Ward 45 is married?

c. The ugly, old clinic assistant (UOCA)
Miss Tan: Eh…ask you hor… your Dr. Ong… is he married?
UOCA: (without even looking up) Yes. To me.

d. Other patients
(In waiting area)
Miss Tan: Hmm.. just wondering if our Dr. Ong is married.
Miss Ang, Miss Lim, Miss Tay, Miss Chen, Miss Lee: (in unison) That’s what we want to know too!

e. The internet
You can always google. You may be surprised at what you might find. E.g. Using google to check for this doctor called Dr. BL Og will link you to his blog. However, you will still be unsure whether he is married or not.

2. Check for pictures

- Look out for photo frames on his desk, his wall. For many married doctors, apart from their degrees, they usually frame up some family pictures on the wall, the desk etc.
- Use the photos to ask more questions.

- Check his wallet! Creep silently like a ninja behind him when he is paying for food in the canteen. Then it will be revealed that...

- If little girl, likely his daughter or he is a pedophile.
- If sweet young thing, likely his girlfriend is still a university student (HEH!) or he still has not grown out of a certain phase in life yet
- If mature, gorgeous babe, likely his girlfriend/wife/mistress
- If more mature, slightly plump lady, likely his wife. Well, it may be his mother. But you sure you want to be with a guy who keeps his mother's picture in the wallet? If keep family picture I still can understand...
- If his own photo, he is likely to be narcissistic and won't be interested in you. Maybe if you are his twin brother. But then again that is another story for another day
- If little boy, likely his son or he is a homosexual pedophile
- If sweet young male thing/hunk/elderly man, he is likely gay. And you won't stand a chance. Unless you think you can convert him.
- If picture of a sheep/goat....... well......

3. Check the clinic room to look for circumstantial evidence
E.g. Are there any lunch boxes lying around? If there are, it may mean a few things.Examples
“…hey, I am happily married and this lunchbox is the evidence of my wife’s love and devotion to me…”

“…hey, I am married and my wife is controlling my finances. No choice but have to eat from lunch boxes...”

“…hey, I am not married but I have this love-hate relationship with my mother. She prepares lunch for me to symbolise her control over me…”

“…hey, I am not married and I am too stingy to go out for lunch…”

You may not want to know him better. Period.4. Check his fingers
- Are there rings there?- Well, many surgeons I know don’t wear their wedding bands because it is rather troublesome to have to take off/put on in the OT. For operations I mean. Not for er….other things like what they may do on Sunday Morning. So it may be a bit harder if you intend to chase a surgeon. But then again, why do you want to be with a surgeon? =P- Some of them wear the rings on their necklaces. Can check the neck as well. Can also check for love bites at the same time.

5. Stalk your doctor
- Highly effective but also highly illegal.

The above methods can all be tried, apart from number 5. Unless you want to be arrested and get sent to a mental hospital for evaluation. Unless your target is a psychatrist.

Houseman Survivor Guide: Why?

Houseman Survivor Guide (Monkey Edition)
I. Introduction
II. Hospital Hierarchy
III. A Typical Day
IV. Painkillers
V. Meet The F*ckers
VI. Kopi Politics
VII. Why?

On paper, housemanship or internship is suppose to be a time of learning. Technically, you still belong to the faculty of medicine rather than the hospital (clusters). In actual fact, housemanship is just an excuse to make new doctors do all the sai gang and still get paid peanuts (our national currency).

So it is no wonder that despite encouraging HOs to learn, asking too many questions is often frowned upon. After all the hospital is a very busy place and if you have so many "why this" "why that" who is going to do all the digital evacuations and take all the bloods?

Asking too many silly academic questions will also definitely not impress your seniors. You risk exposing their ignorance and in the process offending them!

HO: Hmmmm, why give medicine A in condition B and not medicine C+D?
MO: Emmmm, very cheem. I go find out, you finish all the changes yourself!

Of course the more lao jiao senior doctors have this strategy,

HO: Er, why give medicine A in condition B and not medicine C+D?
Consultant: What do you think?
HO: Er......
Consultant: You better go home and read up. Tell me the answer tomorrow!

They throw the question back in your face and quickly walk off, wiping the sweat off their forehead.

But yet, we often hear senior doctors telling us that "you can only learn by asking questions!" Alamak, ambivalence. So how? To ask or not to ask?

Dr Og gives you the simple Og's golden rules of asking questions during ward rounds.

1) If you have any clinical questions or doubts pertaining to patients and their treatment. Always ask. Look stupid also must ask.

2) If you have any academic questions or doubts, go read up yourself lah! Don't be lazy! Don't ask stupid questions and make yourself look stupid can?

3) Only ask academic questions if you already know the answers,
HO: I always wondered why medicine A is preferred over medicine B.
Prof: What do you think?
HO: I reckoned it is due to the fact that A has effect C?
Prof: Excellent!!! You are spot on!
(Brownie point ++++)

4) Of course there are those insightless HO who will always ask the most inappropriate question at the most inappropriate time. In front of the whole team,
HO: Prof that night I saw you swimming with the female HO from internal med. She is your daughter ar?
This type of HO I suggest go and specialise in pathology.

Sunday Morning

I can tell you all for a fact (cross my heart) that the following event did NOT happen in the country with SG as its initial.

It was just another day in the life of Ah Seng the hospital cleaner. He has been assigned to clean the operating theatres (OT) since the beginning of last year. He hated his job. The OTs were always so cold and he was just wearing this thin, filmsy OT baju, not unlike the on-call bajus that doctors wear (which you can sometimes see their underwears in). But looking at the other cleaners, some stuck in the hot and humid "C-Class" wards, he felt slightly better. What else can he do? He was already 60+ years old. He needed a hearing aid. He did not know any computers. Who would want to hire him?

It was a Sunday, and in this hospital, they did not do any operations on Sundays, unless it was an emergency. And Ah Seng knew that there were hardly any emergencies in that region. Not on a lazy, quiet Sunday morning.

Ah Seng was cleaning the OT when he saw light coming from one of the windows on the OT doors. He heard the all too familiar sounds of a procedure going in there.

"Must be another road traffic accident again.." Ah Seng thought to himself as he tried to remember whether he saw anything on his way to the hospital that morning.

Ah Seng peered through the window. He saw the surgeon (who was one of the consultants)hard at work, beads of perspiration on his forehead. He saw the scrub nurse busy with her hands as well, helping the surgeon along.

Yeah, you guessed it. They were having sex. On the OT table.

Ah Seng quietly left the OT.
He told Ahmad, his supervisor.
Ahmad told his friends during one of the smoking breaks.
A junior doctor was near the smoking break.
Yadda Yadda Yadda

A couple of weeks later, the surgeon and his wife moved to another part of the country. The scrub nurse also changed hospital to work in.

And no, they did not move to the same hospital.

My First Kill

Ok, this is a meme (whatever the hell that means) from the angry one (link is at sidebar). I suppose I should be talking about my first kill experience as a doctor?? I mean when I was 2 years old, I killed plenty of ants. That would technically be my very first kill, though which ant, I really cannot remember. Nevermind lah, they all look the same anyway.

As a doctor, hmmmm.... That IS an interesting story......

One night as a Houseman on call, Dr Og was given the mission to go buy dinner. I was a surgical HO and was too lazy to change out of the hospital baju (scrubs). So I wore that and went to the same place a few post back where I was digging in the dustbin. That place is always so crowded and everyone was of course staring at this weird person in hospital attire spreading germs around.

I decided to by-the-way, get myself a nice cup of coffee. Everyone knows Dr Og loves his cup of chino. In the coffee place (will not name the place since they are not paying me advertising fees, but you can guess lah) was this really hot chick!

Our eyes met. (And I confirm she was not my patient. Woohoo! Wah lau, patient so chio I sure remember can?)

She must be intrigued by my OT (operating theatre) attire. You know, girls get attracted to such stuff! I walked up to her and striked up a conversation (one month from completing housemanship, lots of confidence). She was from Malaysia, an Eurasian (explains the shape features)and was doing an elective program at the university next to my hospital. I entertained her with some of Dr Og's all time classics.

Just as we were warming up to each other, my pager beeped. Damn, my fellow HO must be hungry liao (or he is overwhelmed with cases covering me hahaha). I asked her for her number and she said," I don't think my boyfriend will be too happy about it. He is over there waiting for me in his car"

She pointed to a Porsche with an Ang Moh inside. And to add salt to wound, she told me giggling, " Oh yeah, do you know that your hospital pants is really translucent. Can see your underwear beneath it." Damn those cheapo hospital attire!

And she walked off.

My first kill....... almost.

You Ain't Heavy, You're my Stethoscope.

The stethoscope is a status (not sex) symbol in medicine. There is an unspoken rule that thou shalt not carry a stethoscope around thy neck if you are not a doctor. Medical students are expected to be in their lab coat if they wanna hang their stethoscopes around their necks. If not there is the danger that their heads get bitten off their necks by some niau senior in a bad mood whose head just got bitten off by her Consultant (hospital food chain). The only exception to this rule are the physiotherapists. I never really figured out why physios needed stethoscopes except pretend to be doctors? :P

After SARS, there were much discussions about how (un)hygienic it is to carry your stethoscope around. Rest assured that doctors almost never do anything kinky with their stets (almost never because I can only vouch for myself)!! We are after all boring and unimaginative people. My readers will no doubt enjoy themselves providing innovative uses for this beloved medical equipment.

You can also tell the quality of a medical drama from the kind of stethoscope they use. (Yes! Dr Og so loves his job watch TV also must see medical stuff!)


ER

Dr Carter carries a Rappaport-Sprague stethoscope. This double-lumen stethoscope has two separate channels running from the chestpiece to each binaural and have superior sound quality as a result.

As a result of Noah Wyle, the HP Rappaport-Sprague stethoscopes became hotcakes amongst female medical students in the late nineties.


Scrubs

Dr Dorian also carries a Rappaport -Sprague stethoscope.

In general, most practitioners who need to detect heart murmurs and other more subtle sounds prefer using double-lumen stethoscopes. Because of the superior sound quality, the cost of double-lumen stethoscopes is higher than single-lumen models.


妙手人心

Dr Lai (and his colleague) carries a Littman Classics, a all time favourite amongst medical students and doctors.


Local Drama

$3 uber cheapo stethoscope that no decent medical student will be seen with [let alone a black tag (specialist)].
But the 1980s sibei side parting hairstyle is quite accurate...... hahaha.

PS: Dr Og neber carries his stethoscope around. It is simply too heavy and gives him neckache. His stethoscope does appears occasionally in this blog site.

Weekend Has Ended

Like every other weekend, this one passed by in a blur.
Went to Holland Village. Thought I saw a blogger who used to put pictures of herself with her mouth twirled up. She no longer does that anymore. Wonder if that was her. Looks different leh, if it was her.
Was walking to my car when I saw this sign outside some learning centre.













Excellent. Now my Engrish is surely goind to improved.



Then I saw this in a dustbin.
So this is what Hugh Hefner used to play as a boy.

Sian. Weekend has ended.

Family Violence

A man in his fifties with a history of somnambulism was admitted for fracture of his arm. In the routine clerking of the case he revealed:

Man: Doc, my sleep walking is getting worse......
Doc: Why you say that?
Man: Yesterday night, I even slapped my wife in my sleep. (smiles sheepishly)
Doc: Bet you wanted to do that for a long time! Hahaha
Man: Hahahaha.....
Doc: So what happened to your arm?
Man: She kicked me off the bed.

Don't mess with Big Mama!

I Will Bring You Home

Dedicated to all overseas students

She was a medical student in a foreign land 14 hours away from home by direct flight. It was the X'mas season and everyone she knew went home for celebrations. Her room mates were the only exception but they were probably somewhere enjoying the sceneries in Prague at that moment.

She felt lonely. She was home sick. She regretted having made the decision of doing medicine despite not given a place in the local medical school. Her family had mortgaged their flat to fulfil her life long dream. She had to work part time for her own allowances. There were no extra cash. Had she just stayed behind and perharps take up an easier and shorter course, her family will have less of a financial burden. But they never grumbled, they fulfilled her wish. She felt she was too selfish. She had let them down.

"Gor, how is everyone?" She made a call to her brother. He was a House Officer at the local hospital.

"Everyone is fine. Heh, I'm really busy...... Can I call you later?" He was on call that day.

"Its all right then. Merry X'mas." After she put down the phone, she broke into tears.

Her brother sensing something wrong, quickly jotted something down on the hospital memo pad. He passed it to a good friend who was post call to post it the day itself.

Few days later she recieved the post from her brother. In that five minutes he had scribbled something on a memo.




She cried again. But this time she had the strength to carry on.

Hello Kitten...... The Aftermath

"Here comes another composition."

Humans are forgetful beings. In the recent years, many tragedies and diasters played themselves before our eyes. Many were medical in nature. Many have been forgotten
The Hello Kitten debacle does not rank anywhere close to many of these disasters in terms of casualties. However it was tragic to see grown ups fighting for toy dolls.
Recently, Dr Og went to the home of a friend. He had broken up with his girlfriend (Yes! Another single & eligible male doctor!) of many years and wanted some help in disposing what she had left behind.
There in one corner of the room was a complete set of Hello Kittens. Still in their wrapper. Still in prestine condition. I picked up the pair in Japanese costume, this was the last set released in the series.
"I remember this one! This was the one we couldn't get that night." I recalled having to wait outside a fast food restaurant from 9pm the night before til 8am the next morning and having to leave empty handed.
In the queue that night were the most unusual suspects:
1. Aunties with their market trolleys. These women were easily in their fifties and sixties, I'm sure they don't go to sleep hugging their soft toys. I overheard one of them saying,"Die die must get the whole set for my granddaughter!"
2. Bangladeshi workers in their PCK yellow boots. Obviously just off work in all the glory of sweat and mud. Overheard their foreman shouting at them before leaving in his pickup, "I die die must get the Kittens, queue here, I come in the morning."
3. An unkempt vagrant with a beer bottle in his hand. At one point he shouted loudly, "Must get those Kittens or wo see liao (i die already)!!" Wondered if he was despatched by his loanshark. Can just imagine the ah long telling him," Get me those kittens, I count as interest! OR YOU DIE!"
4. Maids, like the workers were made by their employers to queue for the Kittens. They were busy chatting amongst themselves in their foreign tongue.
But the really spoil market people where the pre-university students who were queueing right in front. They expanded from a one man show to a carabet of forty. The Aunties naturally became quite angry and started yelling at them. They reckoned that since the students can cut queue, so can they. There was mayhem once the restaurant opened for business. The riot police had to be called in.
In the end, the Aunties were the first to fight their way in (YEA Aunty Power!). They got their Kittens, da bao the meals and went happily for their morning marketing. The vagrant was next to walk in. No one dared stand in his way (the stench maybe). He got his Kittens, gobbled down the meals and went off in the direction of the kopitiam, possibly for an eye opener. The students got their Kittens, threw away the meals and made their way to school (or to the computers to blog about their teachers). The foreign workers didn't get no Kittens but they probably got pussies of another kind making friends with the maids. The rest of us were dispersed by the well meaning law enforcing officers.
Like my friend, I ended up having to buy the last Japanese set from the black market (the set did smell of alcohol, maybe my imagination). Like him, I have parted with the girl whom I gave the set to. Unlike him, she took the Kittens with her.
"So what you going to do with these?" I asked him as I went through the sets. Jap, Chinese, Space, whatever......
"They are really worthless now. Sell on Ebay also no one wants." He lamented.
"Like that I take lah, throw away so wasted!" Dr Og is uber cheapskate.

----------------------------------------------

Ok, ok the part you all like best!!!! Moral of the story:

Dr Og has a set of Hello Kittens gathering dust at home, anyone interested to buy email me can?? Highest bidder wins!!!

Tip of a Cigarette

Ah Pek was admitted to the hospital after he complained of breathlessness associated with cough and fever for about 2 weeks. He has been smoking since he was in Primary Six when some friends introduced him to this brand called “555”. He has since upgraded to Malboro. (Perhaps in his heart, Ah Pek had always wanted to be a cowboy after watching some black & white film at a nearby community centre. Perhaps.)

Ah Pek went for a chest X-Ray during this admission. Apart from consolidation in his lungs, they also noticed this little nodule near the left apex. He was advised about the possibility of lung cancer. Ah Pek remembered that his father, who was also a smoker, died of lung cancer. He also remembered when he was in Secondary 2, his father coughed out blood after a huge argument with him about quitting school.

Ah Pek's children have been trying for years to get him to stop smoking. They even got his grandchildren to "hint" to grandpa that he should stop. But Ah Pek never listened to them.

That day, Ah Pek returned to the ward after his CT scan of the thorax and abdomen. He carefully took out 2 sticks of malboro hidden between his stack of underwear and fished out a lighter from his drawer. He told the nurse that he was going downstairs for coffee. He did not wait for their reply and left the ward anyway.

Ah Pek went to the ground floor, squatted near the staircase landing and lighted his cigarette. He did this yesterday, the day before and on the day after his admission. He was still having a fever then.

Ah Pek was oblivious that people were walking past him, looking at him. Here was a man in hospital attire smoking. Here was a man, coughing in between the puffs.

As Ah Pek turned to flick the cigarette ash away, he heard a very very loud thump, and he felt raindrops on his face, his arms.

They were not raindrops. They were reddish, pinkish. And some of it was not liquid. Something mushy. In front of Ah Pek was the body of a fat patient, a fat patient who used to be alive a couple of seconds ago. The body was lying face down, limbs distorted, bent at places where the limbs were not supposed to bend.

Ah Pek was still sitting there when the crowds started to come. The cigarette was still lighted with ash gathered on the tip. Tiny red droplets could be seen on the pale, whitish portion of the stick.

Ah Pek never smoked again.

And it was not lung cancer.

Loss Of Innocence

Was going to use my old Avatar of Bert.....



But, caught them in action on my camera with my new found hobby of photography.....



So new pic for my profile!

Obs & Gynae

Obstetrics and Gyanecology

1. The Miracle of Birth
2. Misfire
3. Baker's Bread
4. The Dogs Always Get It Right.....
5. Until Months Later

Doctor's Photography

Night Scene outside hospital

Our Eyes Met

I was walking by myself in Tikishamiyi, when I saw his lady walking towards me. She looked familiar but I just cannot place when I met her. This is a familiar feeling. I believe many a times we see somebody and we wonder whether we’ve met them somewhere before. I remembered when I was in medical school, I met this really pretty girl from another faculty that looked so familiar. Where have I seen her before? Was it in a dream? =) It turned out that she was the daughter of a provision shop owner near my old place. (That’s another story for another time and place)

As the lady approached, our eyes met for a brief moment. And I saw it in her eyes that she knew me from somewhere. (And “knew” used here does NOT mean the Biblical sense of the word [Dr. Og doesn’t really anyhow sow his oats one…])

I wondered if I should smile at her. What if I was mistaken? Can I pretend that I was smiling at the person behind her? At that moment, I took a quick glance at the person behind her. I shuddered. I did not want to smile at some man wearing a tight pink T-shirt and white jeans with his longish wallet clasped between his right armpit, his right elbow was flexed with the right wrist drooping, in a classical wrist drop position (see picture for what wrist drop is).

As our eyes parted, I made the decision not to smile, just in case. As I walked past her, I heard her tell her friend,

“...There… this one lah…this one my loctor lor….so “dao”…like neber see me like that“

She was right. I don’t recognise her. I remembered seeing her in one of the clinics I have ran at some point but I can’t remember which clinic and when I saw her. Some patients are embarrassed. They avoid being associated with us. (“jay jay” will know why…)

How we know whether patients wants to acknowledge us or not?

Holy Smoking!

"limpek happy, what can you do about it?"




Smoking is a big health issue. In fact, it costs our small beautiful island millions of peanuts (our national currency) to treat the many ills that befall smokers. At a time when doctors were better respected, this was what we did:

Ah Pek: Lokun, cannot breath properly, sibei jialat..... (coughs)
Loctor: See lah, you smoke so much now your lungs spoil liao loh. Whats that in your pocket? Wah lau, cigarettes!!! you still smoking??? I confiscate first.
Ah Pek: Cannot lah lokun...... I so old already, don't smoke will die!
Loctor: Rubbish, you discharge then give yo back.
Ah Pek: .....

Trust me, the ah pek didn't die from NOT smoking. But tactics like these don't work nowadays when even mah laus have their rights and complain letters come flying in faster than the defunct Concord planes.

There are also those who just cannot come clean with their addiction to hun kee.Loctor: Uncle, looks like you have lung problem. Got smoke or not?
Ah Pek: Aiyah, I quit already lah. Cannot be the cigarettes.
Loctor: Isit? When you quit leh?
Ah Pek: Yesterday loh. But actually not successful. I just had one this morning. Hehe....

Sigh. Incorrigible.

And as much as the medical faternity pretends otherwise, many loctors are also smokers. Most will tell you that they are in various stages of quitting.
"Og, this is my last one!"
"Og, this is really my last one!"
"Og, this time believe me, my very very last one!"
I can really empathise with them as the post two posts ago was my "last post" but the addiction obviously got the better of me....

Of course, smoking is discouraged within hospital compounds and often it becomes a covert operation for lokuns to go for a smoking break.

Og: Wei, where you disappear after lunch?
Loctor friend: Shhsshh! I go find yellow box lah.
Og: At the staircase isit? I always see a lot of cigarettes thrown there!
Loctor friend: No lah. There alot of patients.
Og: Why? You scared they borrow your expensive lighter isit?
Loctor: No lah, they keep asking me for cigarettes. Now very ex ok!
Og: So where you go huh?
Loctor friend: Secret, cannot tell you!

After all, what the monkeys see, the monkeys will do and we really don't want them to model after these bad examples!

Oh well, what the heck, time to go home after a hard day of work preaching to these smokers. Wah! How come got so much smoke coming from behind my car! Catch fire isit??? I ran to the carpark and saw my loctor friend with his kahkis squatting behind my car with cigarettes in their hands.

Og: Wah lau you all damn pathetic leh! I thought you say you going to quit??
Loctor friend: Basket Og, this my last one lah! You really got no sympathy ok!
Sigh. Incorrigible.

Dedicated to the Cigarette Smoking Man

I'm Back Part 2: Resuscitating Ogie

How do you bring someone back to life after he commits bloggicide??? If not handled properly, readers might think that it was all some publicity stunt.

Here at Monkey Republic, all healers go through accreditations for emergency life saving courses. As the subjects at our small beautiful island are mostly monkeys (and some cows + one donkey), the details of this course is really not of much importance to you. Three things however stays the same: A - Airway, B - Breathing, C - circulation.

Sama sama, the resuscitation of a blogger also follows this universal protocol.


A - Airway
" I need a Yanker and prepare ETT size 7 half!!"

Before resurrecting, Dr Og had to see his lawyer friend to get (airway) clearance......
Og: So how? My blo.... I mean website, ok or not?
Law Dude: Not bad lah, some parts quite corny. Can't see why people say its hilarious.....
Og: No I mean, can revive boh?
Law Dude: Orh..... Nothing written here that reflects the truth? The whole truth?? And nothing but the truth???
Og: No!!! Its fake, all fake, nothing but fake. Like ER and Scrubs......
Law Dude: I guess if you don't cross the line.... should be fine.....
Og: Wah lau, you din tell me anything I don't already know!
Law Dude: But you still gotta pay me.
Og: Any discount brother? Given our long standing friendship.
Law Dude: You're making doctors look cheapo!
Og: Not even if I intro pretty doctor friends to you?Law Dude: Pretty doctor? That's oxymoronic.
Og: Oxy simi?Anyway got any law people blo..... write on the web or not?Law Dude: NO. We only write if we get paid for it.


B - Breathing
"Connect the air viva to the ETT, get a ventilator!"
If the airway is clear. Can Dr Og start to ventilate again? Everyone needs to ventilate. Finding the right avenue is important or wait your buttocks kennah bua gu you. The safest way is of course to shout into your toilet bowl (please flush first ok).



But since we treat mainly monkeys here in State General, as long as I don't spill their peanuts or wash their dirty fur in public, surely I can breath again??!

C - Circulation "No heartbeat, start CPR!"

Do we have the passion in our heart to write again? Dr Og is downright addicted to blogging writing!!! First the hand itched terribly. Then Dr Og was tremoring. Buay sai liao!!!!! Gimme that computer!

Somewhere along the line, medicine adopted addiction and made it our baby.
Law Dude: Hmmmm, mebbe if you can certify yourself an internet addict, you can get away with diminished responsibility.......
Og: I'm not paying you for that last advice!

"Er, we have a rhythym? One life saved?"

The end of the beginning/the beginning of the end

Therefore,

Headlines!

Man stands for rights of Mozzies
By CB Chow
Oct 2, 2005
The Longkang Times, National Paper of Monkey Republic

Mr Gan Boh Liao, 40, a Chinese immigrant, lodged a complaint with SPCA (State Prevention of Cruelty Against Animals) today for what he described as "genocide" and "extreme cruelty" against the Aedes mosquitoes.

When interviewed by reporters at the gate of SPCA, Mr Gan was visibly angry. He was pulling his hair.

"SPCA suppose to protect animal correct or not? But they now blur blur dunno what to do, say must think first. We are not talking about racism you know! This is beyond that, this is the massacre of an entire species!" He said, gesticulating his hands wildly.

Mr Gan has been an advocate for minority rights since the early nineties. These included fighting for the rights of neonates (infants below 1 month old) to have breast feeding and his famous hunger strike not to have the National Parks trim trees along roadside against their wishes. Thus far, his efforts had not been successful. He was prompted to act again with the recent increase fumigation and campaign against dengue fever by the authorities.

"They make the mosquitoes out to be this evil thing. This is nothing but pure evil prejudice!" He exclaimed. Mr Gan said he will go on a hunger strike again if his calls for all actions towards Aedes mosquitoes to be stopped is not met.

The Longkang Times spoke to Dr BL Og, a fugitive blogger cum fake doctor who hails from a land infested with Aedes. He believes that fumigation will not be effective as "my readers told me it just chases the mosquitoes from Toa Payoh to Ang Mo Kio" and that portrayal of mosquitoes as evil is indeed unfair "but I am more for the lizards."

In the mean time the director of SPCA commented that they will be holding a special EGM to deliberate if mosquitoes can indeed be considered animals. "We know that they are insects, but animals..... we are not so sure. If not, the SPCA will technically not be able to intervene."

In reaction to this, Mr Gan replied: "See! This is another example of how we discriminate against mosquitoes! Of course they are animals what!" As to the question about how dengue fever has been responsible for the increasing death toll, Mr Gan said, " In the first place the humans were the ones who breed them in their gardens and construction sites. Like that should not fog the mosquitoes but FLOG the humans!"